Goodbye To you.
I am going home in less than a month. I leave in 18 days. That is less than 2o days. which proves my initial statement.
Less. Than. A. Month.
Im not sure how i feel about this. One day I could be day-dreaming about all the things that I know God has in store for me. And the next day I could be crying on the kitchen floor [my favorite crying spot in out apartment] thinking about how much I love this place and I dont want to leave.
One of my roommates (Lo) decided to go home too. [long story]. Which, exponentially increases the amount of crying and hugging done in this house, AND leaves roommate number two (Nelly) feeling like we are leaving her alone in this dry and weary land.
and that, my friends, is a whole ‘nother story.
Earlier today I twitted that I was a PRE-griever. And I haven’t googled it, so I dont know if this is an actual word/term or not. I like to think that it’s not and that me and my team invented it.
Because that is one thing we can do. Invent things. useless things, usually. Like a super power that creates things and activates every time Do snaps. Our spectrum of things go from stuff as cool as lightning to stuff as lame as chicken breasts .
we are also really good at tangents…..
According to us, a Pre-Griever is someone who grieves before the bad stuff happens. And a Post-Griever, is someone who ignores the situation and waits to start the grieving process after it happens.
I am a Pre-Griever. And pre-grievers start crying a month before the departure date. And they are half packed two weeks before they have to. And they start giving awkward one-minute-long hugs, and start sentences with the words “this is the last time….” two weeks too soon.
But today, I had a fun moment.
Since I have been doing all the grieving early, I had no tears or sad words to say today. So, I started listening to “Goodbye To you” by Michelle Branch. This is a sad song. Specially If you are in my shoes.
But I laughed.
and then Lo hugged me.
and then Nelly screamed “What is going on? are you crying or laughing?”
Then I continued to laugh while I said “Pre-Grieving is awesome!”
This is what my room looks like. Its a mess!
One suitcase down! one to go.
On the church…
If you have been reading this blog for a while. You know that my heart is for those who are far from God. And for so long i felt like the church that i go to didnt have that vision for the lost. I considered changing churches so many times! But something inside of me would always keep me from giving up.
I wouldnt say i had hope. I really didnt.
But for some unknown reason i stuck around.
and so i went to the desert… with zero expectations.
But to my surprise they were really supportive and always checking on me. I came back and found a church that has grown so much!
Their hearts for the lost are being transformed and its so clear to me that God has not given up on them like sinful-me thought about doing….
I am so excited about church now. There are a million things they need to change. But there are a million-and-one things i need to change too.
Im glad God didnt let me give up. I would have missed this.
I LOVE my Church!
imperfect as it is.
It is the place where i learn about God, where i serve, and get to have fellowship with my family in christ.
Someone needs to read this today, DONT GIVE UP.
God will never give up on you. Dont you dare give up on them.
25
I turned twenty-freaking-FIVE years old today.
I feel a little old. (I know im not…. but its just what i feel)
But today I have been thinking about all the things i have accomplished, all the things God has done and all that He is going to do… and all I can say is…. It is well. It is well!
I could focus in all the things i dont have……yet. and be miserable.
OR
I could highlight God’s grace and faithfulness throughout my life. I choose that.
I choose to enjoy the abundant life He has for me.
I have a -far- from -perfect- but- helthy-growing relationship with Jesus Christ. I am living my dream, His dream, for my life. I am forced to use my gifts and talents every single day and it feels great. I had the honor to share my life with six other amazing men and women last year. I have learned about true friendship. I have great friends in Venezuela, in the US, and in Africa.[ I guess this is what happens when you are a missionary. Home is seasonal and friends are everywhere] I have a dysfunctional, yes, but wonderful family that loves me. I get to walk by faith everyday of my life trusting God for my finances.
I have a pretty darn cool life.
I do what I love. Everyday.
And Im only 25! Who can say that?
not too many people.
so i guess this is a thank you note to God.
My rock, literally.
Thank you, papa.
Let’s do this!
Of youth pastors and worship songs.
Remember THIS post?
Its about my youth leader and how he cheated on his wife.
Today i was listening to one of my favorite christian radio stations [PTL for technology] in my hometown. And out of the blue a song that is very close to my heart came up.
you’ll see my ex-youth pastor is a talented song writer. Before he started ‘dating’ this other woman he was working towards fulfilling a dream that God had laid on his heart. And that was to record a worship album with his own songs to God. In 2006 he and his wife [or ex wife… im not sure] called me to work along side him in our youth ministry. And he wrote a beautiful song called “La Roca” [or The Rock in english]
I remember sitting with him in his office while he was writing it. I remember seeing him struggle to find the right words. I remember the day he sang it to me for the first time. The song that would later become a kind of anthem for my church. I remember sitting there while they were practicing with the band.
and i remember the day we sang it together, as a chuch, for the first time.
God gave him this song. It’s a beautiful song that declares that God is our Rock and that He deserves all the praise in the world.
My youth leader, lets call him J*, also has a younger brother who is also a talented musician, lets call him D*.
D* has also gone through hard things and has walked away from the Lord in the past. But he got his life on track a few years ago.
Today, as i was baking chocolate chips cookies, and listening to my favorite christian radio station in Maracaibo, Venezuela. D’s voice came up. singing
“como no he de alabarte si eres digno…..”
[“how would i not praise you. You are worthy” that’s my poor attempt at translating it.]
Those are the first words to the song “La Roca”
It broke my heart.
But i am thankful that God will always use what He has given us. Even if you decide to screw it up.
That song will continue to change lives and bring Him praise. Even if J* is not the one singing it
Taco night and old friends. Am I blogging too much?
I have written three posts today.
yes.
THREE!
I just got back home from a taco night with my colleagues. wow! I feel like a grown up just by saying that word… and by colleagues i mean the other engineers (or some of them) who went to college with me.
They wanted to say goodbye
They love me and always managed to not go partying on the weekends so i would not feel uncomfortable. They put up with my long talks about the desert and islam for five years. They would plan our study sessions around missionaries’ schedules ( I translated for missionaries A LOT during college. A LOT.) They heard the gospel 95805025820p5892058 times. I would practice the evange-cube with them and share the 4 laws. They have always been patient and loving.
I accept them just as they are. They do the same for me.
I love them. They are very special to me. 7 years ago when we started college I was the only christian (we are a group of 6). Today two of them call Jesus their savior.
What a blessing it has been to see them grow as believers. And what a blessing it has been for me to be there (specially for the girls) when they break up with boyfriends.
Today they wanted to make me feel special.
mission accomplished.
I am so thankful for the time God is allowing me to have with each and everyone of the special people in my life.
8 more days.
Psalms, thank-you notes, and faith attacks
I memorized psalm 121 last night.
Just because it’s awesome.
I am not big at memorizing scripture. I should do that more often. Here it is.
I look up to the mountains
Does my help come from There?
My help comes from The Lord
The creator of the heavens and the earth
He will not let you stumble and fall,
He who watches over you does not sleep
indeed, the one who watches over israel
never tires and never sleeps
He himself watches over you
The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade
The sun will not hurt you by day
nor the moon at night
The Lord will keep you from all evil
and preserves your life
The Lord will watch over your steps as you come
and go. Both now and forever.
That was my attempt to write pslm 121 down without looking at my Bible. Did i miss anything? I hope not.
What a wonderful, wonderful, woooonderful psalm. What a promise! oh what a marvelous God we serve!
I kind of packed half of my stuff today.
Dont go off on me! I know i haven’t booked my flight yet. I know that i am only at 85%. I know all those things. Trust me.
But i had a faith attack this morning.
in other news,
I wrote dozens of thank you notes for my Venezuelan supporters this morning.
If you are supporting my ministry from the US. You will get something in the mail. eventually. sometime before may. probably around Christmas. 🙂
Im still under the effects of this random faith attack. If this continues, i might be at 90% by the end of the day.
say a little prayer.
Broken Marriages, Youth Leaders and the church
Husband cheated on wife and left her with a 3 year old child. He is living with his new girlfriend.
New girlfriend is pregnant.
Oh and by the way…
I am talking about a youth leader.
Or EX youth leader for that matter
How is the church supposed to respond to this?
Should the local church provide counseling?
Should the local church kick him out and pretend nothing happened?
Should the church just pretend nothing happened?
I dont think he would want counseling though…
I really love this guy.
He is messed up right now
But he played a very important role in my life
and in my ministry.
He taught me that effective leaders are vulnerable
He taught me to be different
He taught me that the gospel needed to be presented in creative ways.
He believed in me.
Today. I dare to believe in him.
If I die…
Saying goodbye.
It’s starting to happen.
Im trying not to leave unresolved issues in my life. Just in case i die you know…
Im serious!
I could die.
So I am trying to say goodbye to everyone possible.
Dang it! my glasses just broke…. One more item to my to-do list. WIN!
not.
I am also trying to check all 18 items in my to-do list in 25 days or less. All that while trying to find 16 who are willing to give $50/month.
I am afraid that time is going to fly (it has already flown) and I am not going to do everything i want to do.
I can NOT wait to leave and do what God has for me.
This is it for me.
No other desire in my heart is as big, and deep as my desire to serve Jesus in Africa. Trust me.
I feel what most girls probably feel when they get married. Maybe a sense of wholeness and completeness. A sense of… like… “Now, I can die. Jesus come!”
So goodbye.
Because i might die.
So if i get killed.
What would you say about me if someone asked you?
Por que, cuando, como…?
No tengo idea alguna del por que, del cuando, del como.
no se si fue despues de la oracion
o durante el cafe.
No se si fue despues de las senales
o durante aquella conversacion interrumplida en tu sofa.
No se si fue la poesia
O el reggaeton de B*
No se si fue el otono
O si fue el invierno.
No se si fueron mis ganas, desesperadas de encontrarte,
las que le jugaron sucio a mi cabeza
No se si fue Dios.
No se si fue la pregunta de mi mama.
Solo se una cosa.
It’s ok
Por que pase lo que pase
Sigues siendo la personificacion de mi lista.
No se el por que, el cuando ni el como.
Solo se que apareciste
Y hoy.
Te –medio– extrano.
Sin drama, sin lagrimas, sin anciedad.
Con paz.
Pero te extrano.
Have a nice life.
.
.
.
.
without me.
…….For now.
Oh Dad!
He has been the best father he knows how to be.
His biological dad was never there for him and his uncle [who raised him] was very cold and distant.
Im sorry dad.
His words are harsh sometimes. And i know that i know that i know he does not mean to be harsh but he ends up hurting me every once in a while.
Today we were having a conversation about how my friends from high-school all have jobs and dont have time to watch ‘whatever you watch’ (he probably meant “sermons online”) all day. He said. “Your life is easy right now. You dont have to worry about a boss, or about getting fired. You have it easy”
I wouldnt say my life is easy. Raising support is everything but easy.
But i would say that I am blessed.
I am not saying that working a real job is not ok. Im just saying that it wouldnt feel ‘ok’ for me. I was just not wired that way.
I am a missionary!
and raising support is what i do…
Even if you are not ok with it, dad.
I am blessed.
My dad is not always terrible. He has his good days. Days like today where, after the previous #FAIL, he said:
“So, you are leaving in september. Arent you?”
#WIN
You have no idea what that means but let me in-light you.
These words were coming out of the mouth of the man who told me i was not allowed to be a missionary a few (very few) months ago.
I think he finally got it.
I am 24 years old after all. -Not that i care- but im also an Engineer. I am an adult.
And you know what else i think he got?
I think he is starting to understand that this is God’s will and that there is no thing he can do to stop this.
So, dear dad.
I wouldnt change you for the world. You could have been better. But God knows i could be a better daughter. Thanks for staying with me. Thanks for staying by my mom. Thanks for trying to change. Thanks for not freaking out when i talk to you about boys. Thanks for letting me talk to you about boys. Thanks for telling me im beautiful repeatedly. Forgive me for acting like i dont believe you.. deep inside i do believe you.
This is for my dad.
The man who loves me most.
The man who has my heart.
Te amo, papi.
Dear Diary….
I dont have one of those but I used to.
Anyways that’s not the point of this post.
I want to tell you how my day went today. I dont really have powerful insights today. Sorry-
MPD, right>? This is consuming all my time and energy! But I have to confess that I enjoy it most of the time. Anyways, I had 5 appointments today. FIVE! (you are expected to have 6/8 a week) Today was going to be a great day!
First appointment was at my church. Me and A* were supposed to meet with the intercessors at our church and present our ministry to them and ask them for support. That meeting went great! they prayed for us and committed to keep doing so. But no one there committed financially.
As i was heading to appointment #2 i got a text saying.. “Im sorry. Cant make it”
Appointment #3 showed up and decided to support me financially. #SCORE
Appointment #4 canceled
And appointment #5 is giving a BIG one time gift.
and to top it all. I went out to dinner with my two best guy friends. Art and Sam.
awwhh do i love those two.
Today was a great day!
How was yours?
:)
You may not know it right now
But i could watch you sleep, I could watch you sleep
For the rest of my life.
Dear boy of mine. You are what brightens my days
You and your sassiness
You and your blue eyes
You and the way you say my name
The way you look at me,
The way you hug me
The way you never want to kiss me.
You are God’s promise
You are God’s chosen
Im sure you will do amazing things for him, my dear.
Even if im not there to drive you to your first day of school
Even if im not there when your first teeth fall
Even if im not there next time you get sick….
Please know that i will always be with you. You will always be with me.
Te amo,
– Your big sister.
Title-less
I dont have a Bible verse for you today.
Actually, i do. But im too lazy to go pick up my Bible and find it. It’s in 1 Samuel though. The book im currently reading.
anyways!
I had a pity party on this blog yesterday. I apologize
I am back. And i am encouraged today. Here are a few reasons why
– I was not able to call anyone yesterday to set up appointments but God set up two appointments for me today.
– I have two new ministry partners
– He is WITH me
– My future roommates encourage me every-time i feel down. (Thanks, pequena)
– He already raised the money.
MPD update
Reality is slapping me in the face this morning.
– Only a few appointments this week
– Dollar Exchange rate in Venezuela
– Only about 9% of my goal in THREE week.
– I only have about 5 weeks left to do this.
I am scared.
I know in my mind that God will bring in the money.
He will.
But im scared right now.
#BLA
Just so you know…
I am in love with You.
Now, Im not good with words. Specially when you’re around. I dont know what to say and a million “I love You”s is all im able to articulate. There are no words, nouns, or adjectives.
My love, I enjoy my life only because You are around. I would die without you. You are my all in all. I dont want to spend one single minute without you.
Just so you know, I am starting to believe what You say about me. I am starting to see myself through your eyes… I like the way you see me. You see me and say Im beautiful. You see me and say you care. Just so you know, my life will never be the same. You changed it all. You changed me.
And all i want to do is talk to you all day. Read your love letters over and over again. I talk about you all the time and I sing songs about you.
I love You.
I am in love with you, My Jesus.
Just wanted You to know.
What’s NEXT?
I just watched a newspring sermon entitled NEXT. You can watch it HERE
And boy, did it get me thinking…
Perry preached on the book of Esther and how she was willing to do the very thing God had called her to do even though that meant stepping out of her comfort zone.
What does that mean for me?
I dont think Africa is my next step.
That is what instantly came to mind but after thinking about it for a few minutes i realized that there’s got to be something else that God may be calling me to do.
Africa has been in my heart and mind for so long, that going there does not mean stepping out of my comfort zone anymore. Going there is something i want to do with all of my heart.
What is my next step?
I think i know now.
To be continued
What is your NEXT step?
I live for days like Today.
I know i havent been blogging lately. I feel like i do have a lot to say but somehow find it hard to put it all into words.
I dont know.
Im glad keeping a blog is not my job.
I would love to blog for a living though…
and i just contradicted myself.
blah
Wanna know what i learned today after hanging out with a grownup woman ?
God allowed some awful episodes in my life. Just for tonight. Just so i could have something to tell her tonight. I cried, yes. It hurt, yes. But God transformed my tears into wisdom.
and for that… I am thankful
I was, also, able to answer one question that had been dancing around my little head…
….. Is that God’s best for your life?
Yes, sir. It is.
Because He spoke
Because there is peace in my heart
Because it does not hurt. It does NOT hurt.
I live for days like today.
I live for deep conversations where the Holy Spirit is just there
I live for days like today.
: )
Lemon Pies and cheesecakes….
They are part of my vocabulary now.
I bake these and save the profit to go to Africa in sept.
This isnt a burden…. (yet)
I love baking. I am enjoying this.
: )
But after a long day of baking and walking to our CRU meeting -where i sell my goodies every week-……
This is how my beautiful feet look like
swollen
I am beyond tired right now.
‘night-
Jesus time this AM
I dont always start my day with Jesus.
It is really stupid, actually. Why would i not start my day with Jesus?
Im going to try to do this like… everyday now.
enough said.
As i was enjoying a cup of coffee (which, by the way, should be next to Bibles, in christians stores… They go so well together) and reading the book of Numbers. I found a couple of verses that moved me to pray a prayer i never thought i would pray. I didnt really know i could pray this. But i did.
Aaron and Miriam were talking trash about moses’ new girlfriend (wife actually.. ) and God didnt like that. and look…
6 he said, “Listen to my words:
“When a prophet of the LORD is among you,
I reveal myself to him in visions,
I speak to him in dreams.
7 But this is not true of my servant Moses;
he is faithful in all my house.
8 With him I speak face to face,
clearly and not in riddles;
he sees the form of the LORD.
Why then were you not afraid
to speak against my servant Moses?” Numbers 12:6-8
did you see that?
God was like… “you know the other prophets? you know how i speak to them through visions and stuff? well… Moses is like my favorite! i talk to him face to face. no need for visions. I speak to him loud and clear”
what?
I asked God if i could be like Moses. Now, i never ever thought i would pray this. And i dont really know why. I just never found moses interesting. I always liked Abraham… with the whole “leave your country and your relatives and go to the land that i will show you…” thing. But Moses? i dont know.. I just never felt like we had something in common.
But i want to have something in common with him. Right now
I want God to talk to me face to face. Loud and clear. Like He used to talk to Moses.
Moses was really confident around God. And i think this might have had something to do with the way God spoke to him.
Moses has become, today, my favorite Bible character.
Who’s your favorite?
why?
Wholeness
I have been implying this in every post for the past few weeks.
I have been writing about how much i love my life right now. And how much im enjoying my last few months in this land i call home.
I have bad days, of course….
But in the middle of the pain and loneliness and fear….
There is something that holds all my pieces together and gets me through those days.
I am freaking WHOLE
lonely
But whole.
There is nothing else i need.
well… maybe $35k
wanna support my mission?
more about that later.
My life is somehow perfect -with all its imperfections- right now.
And i am humbled by it.
I dont deserve this wholeness
But Jesus died so i could have it
and my job is to enjoy it.
Are you whole?
…………….
…………
……
…
What is missing in your life?
My prayer for you today is that you would replace whatever that is with, well… with Jesus.
A special message-
I couldnt decide which one to post.
so im posting them both.
I am a real person #1 from Miss Picture on Vimeo.
I am a real person #2 from Miss Picture on Vimeo.
: )
Where was I….?
Where was i in 2007?
MAN!
where was i when the Jonas Brothers were on the radio?
Where was i when Taylor Swift was dating Joe?
Where was i when Bethany Dillon was single?
where was i when Casting Crowns released their newest album?
Where was i….?
Music used to be such a big part of my life. I used to know everything about every band or solo singer. I used to write songs and i used to sing. a-lot.
where was i when i lost my passion for music?
I cant remember.
But i know where i was when i got it back.
I was trying to go online and i couldn’t. My internet has been acting funny for the past few days. So i decided to sit on my bed and just chill for a while.
And it came back.
The lyrics
The music
The melody
The voice.
And i did what i enjoy the most.
I wrote.
But this time. my sentences rhymed…..
I wrote a song.
Recently i was contacted by Integrity Music. They would like me to blog about their stuff. And at first i was like… blah! because music had, for some reason, lost its appeal. But now its back.
And i get to blog about it.
I will close this post with one little thought.
Dreams
DO
Come TRUE
Tuesday
Hello there!
not much goin on right now.
My internet is not working. That’s why im posting this right now.
Today is tuesday. I cant believe monday is over already. And i can not believe i already forgot the fact that i celebrated Jesus’ resurection two days ago.
We make such a big deal of easter sunday in our churches.
but why? i wonder
If we so easily forget….
May you be reminded today. Tuesday. That Jesus is alive. And He is able to do what He promissed He would do.
Take heart.
He has overcome the cross.
see how lost i am?
sorry.
It is actually wednesday today.
not tuesday.
blah/
Sometimes-
// Dreams are the key to the future
Sometimes you only need the right hand to hold the key //
❤
What do women want?
I hate to say this but this question is a really hard one to answer. Even for women. I will do my best to explain what we really want in this post.
I came up with three things
1- We want our man to lead us spiritually- I think this is a big one. Even for non-believers. Im sure they dont call it that but deep inside women long for someone to follow. We want someone who loves us enough to protect out hearts, souls and minds by setting limits. We want him to lead the way. We want him to be the one who initiates prayer times and start spiritual convos.
2- We want our man to be vulnerable- We want to know you trust us enough to get emotionally naked and be sure that we will love you just the same. we will.
3- We want to be told you love us- For some women this is by receiving gifts, or through quality time, or words of affirmation. It depends on her love language BUT one thing’s for sure. We need to be constantly reminded that you love us.
now, im sure there’s a lot of other things we want. But i think these are key and every women will agree.
now lets play a fun game. But i need all of you to participate. I want the girls reading this to add things to my 3-item list, say something women want that i didnt come up with. And Boys! what do you want?
set. Ready… GO!
Girls- What do women want?
Boys- WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Codependency and “Missionary” Dating-
Last weekend i had a hard conversation with a friend of mine. He is precious and I love him very much.
He is dating a beautiful almost-perfect non christian girl.
And this broke my heart
I remember this guy being so in love with Jesus. So involved at his church. So involved in fellowship with other believers and building up relationships with godly men. I remember him sharing his faith whenever he had a chance to. I remember this guy following Jesus.
I sat with him this weekend.
And i saw a guy who is in love with a girl. spends all his time with her. when he’s not with her he’s thinking about her. If he’s not thinking about her he’s probably talking to her on the phone. This guy lost his friendships with godly men -not because his friends wernt there for him. But because he didnt care for them anymore-. This guy is not spending time with God. He is not sharing his faith. He is starting to get bitter. He is hurting. He is alone.
I told him what he needed to hear.
He hated me for a few seconds. I saw it in his eyes. But then he thanked me.
Im not sure if he is going to end that relationship. He really loves her.
But im afraid he is loving her more than he is loving God.
And that is never. NEVER. A good thing.
I hurt for him. Not only because he is alone right now (that is a big part of my concern) But mostly because the girl he is inlove with does not know His saviour. Im sure that sucks.
This is a sad post.
Because this makes me very sad.
THOUGHTS?
It is official!
YES>
I applied yesterday and got accepted today.
I am going to Africa for 10 months in 27 weeks.
I already have FOUR team mates.
THREE of them are girls and we will be living in the same apartment.
And there is one other boy who will live in another building nearby
I am so excited.
I have been talking to my -future- roommates a lot lately and they are so sweet and it seems like we are going to get along pretty well.
They informed me today, however, that there is one other girl who might join our team but still hasnt been accepted. And that might mean renting another apartment for two of us. (current apartment fits 3-4 ppl)
Im not looking forward to this. I want all of us to be together. But… whatev…
I shouldnt be worried about that right now.
It is official
Im an intern with Campus Crusade for Christ.
Let the real fun start.
MPD. Here i go.!
Holiness
But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy. 1 Peter 1:15
What does that even mean? to be holy…
Well.. Let’s ramble for a second or two.
Holiness is all about your heart. Its about your motives and not about your actions.
It really doesnt matter how many days you go on a Daniel Fast. If your heart is not growing closer to The Father, then i would say you are just on a diet. (guilty)
It doesn’t matter what you are giving up for lent. If you are not finding yourself more and more dependent on God. Then you are just following a crowd.
It doesnt matter how many “christian” books you read. If you are not learning about the character of God AND applying your knowledge about Him…. Then i would say you are wasting your time.
It doesnt matter how many hours a day you spend reading The Bible. If the information you are reading is not causing a transformation in you… Then you are missing the whole point.
Arent we so legalist sometimes? (Am i speaking for myself? come one… you are, too, sometimes. RIGHT?)
We -sometimes- do all these things ultimately to feel good about our-little-selves.
Holiness is an issue of the heart.
BUT how can we be holy when our heart is sick with sin?
Well i dont have an answer.
But my best shot would be that we need to examine our hearts everyday. and ask for forgiveness everyday.
This just hit me today as i realized i spent all my day watching “J.O.N.A.S” (yes… they have a tv. show. i love it) and it was 9pm and i had still not had my time alone with God. And im supposed to be fasting, right? Fasting for who? the jonas? i dont think so. So I sat down and asked for forgiveness.
And you know What?
He Forgave me.
as usual.
My heart is wicked. prideful. selfish. rebellious. I am so glad He chose to love me first.
Im in love with Him. ❤
What does a missionary look like?
Last night someone told me i was too “snobby” to be a missionary. I laughed at first but then i felt sad.
What does a missionary look like?
Is it because i own a Mac?
Is it because i’ve been blessed with the opportunity to travel to a few countries?
Is it because i drive a nice truck?
It’s not mine. Not even close. Its my moms. Most of the times i take public transportation. But of course you dont know that.
Is it because i speak english?
What does a missionary look like?
TELL ME!
This whole time i thought it was a heart issue. That it didnt matter what you looked like or how you dressed or what you drove or what computer you owned. I thought the fact that i voluntarily wanted to give up all the comfort i have at home mattered. I am not rich, nor are my parents. But we have a comfortable life.
and guess what?
I dont want it.
I want to give, give, give, like a crazy lady. I want to give everything i have. I dont want comfort. I want Jesus.
I thought that made eligible for the missionary position
I wish i could just send that person an email with a list of all the things im doing to prepare myself for next year. How im being diligent, how bad i beg God every day to shape me, to make me the woman He wants me to be and to teach me how to die to myself. everyday. every minute. every second.
But I wont.
No one needs to know that but Jesus.
And He already knows.
I still love this person, respect him and appreciate him.
But this hurt.
Unsuccessful
:)
Last night i had my share of quality time. I went out with a group of friends and just talked and talked for two good hours. I left that place with a big smile on my face.
ah! i love having friends. Im the kind of person who has various groups of friends. I have the high-school friends. College friends. Church friends. work friends. and French-class friends. And i love them all!
After being stuck in the house since last sunday i really needed to go out and “see the world”.
It was worth it. It was different.
Last night i went to bed knowing that everything is right with the world. I am comfortable with who i am. My life is somehow perfect right now. There is nothing else i need. I think i have never felt like this before- ever.
I am ready to grow up.
Move forward
And enjoy what God has planned.
Because today.
Today is just the first day of the rest of my life.
🙂
My LOVE language [Parte DOS]
Ok. I cant stop thinking about my love language.
And it just HIT me.
This is the way i relate to God. It is the way i show Him i love Him.
I spend time with Him.
That is why i struggle SO much with quiet time. When i dont sit down and spend quality time with Him i feel like im not loving Him.
tricky, huh?!
Oh! the things you learn about yourself….
I like this though.
I LOVE the fact that having a quiet time is not just a ritual in my day but an act of love and worship. While i sit down with a cup of tea (yes, tea is mandatory) and with an open Bible i feel (and He knows because He made me this way) on my highest level of love. yes. si!
I am amazed by this.
I LOVE IT.
what about you? how do you feel like you are loving God the most?
My LOVE language
I have been thinking a lot about this lately and i think i know what’s my love language.
according to a book by Gary Chapman there are 5 ways we can give and receive love.
– Words of affirmation
– Quality time
– Gifts
– Acts of service
– Physical touch
For me its quality time. HANDS DOWN
If you know me you know im a people person. I love people and getting to know them. In fact. That is one of the reasons…. or i could even say.. THE reason why im not a big movie fan. You cant talk while watching a movie. at least you shouldnt. I would rather go out for tea (we dont really have coffee shops in vzla) and just talk and talk and talk for hours. Thats me.
I love getting to know people and just engaging in deep conversations. I love listening and being able to give advices.
I do enjoy time alone. I need it. daily.
But i get my energy from people and conversations. It’s just the way i am
I dont necessarily have to be the one doing the talking. Its ok if im just the listener. Silence is often welcomed and enjoyed.
Im all about company.
Quality is what matters. not so much quantity.
That’s how i show love.
But that is also how i expect to be loved.
I expect to be listened to. I expect you to engage in our conversation. I expect you to leave your cellphone/laptop/ipod in your pocket.
maybe im expecting a little too much…? maybe.
That’s me. raw me.
But.. Whats your love language?
🙂
ps: the picture above was stolen from Heather Whittaker. It took me almost 4 hours to find the perfect picture. It was worth it. This describes my love language. perfectly.
Oh McDonalds!
waiter: Good afternoon, what can i get for you?
Me: Good afternoon, Can i just have a Pepsi light please?
Waiter: Ok. What can i get you to drink?
Me: uhm.. a can of pepsi light please.
Waiter: Pepsi?
Me: yes, sir
Waiter: Did you just say light?
Oh Boy!
Have you ever had this happen to you?
Did you miss me?
Im not really sure what to blog about. I think im a little rusty from the strike. Which im so glad i did by the way…
Ok so a few things happened while a i was gone…
1- I started Discipleship or DSHIP, as i liked to call it, with my friend Nore
2- I filled out my application to go to Africa for a year.
3- I asked my pastor, my best friend, my ex-boss, and my mentor (Sorry Jyll i would have asked you, but you are in the DR. I love you!) to fill out my references.
4- I discovered a hidden love for Jazz. So far i like, Norah Johns, Michael Buble, and Jamie Cullum. (Marcus. your recommendations are on my “to listen” list)
5- I really really like “Vanilla Twilight” by owl city
6- Im not sure if Romans 8:25 was a “yes, but wait” answer. And this is pretty much killing me.
7- ZACH IS DONE WITH SUPPORT! woohooo
8- My friend Ryan bought his ticket to go to Uganda for two years as a missionary. If you want to know how you can support him. Ask me. Double wooohoooo
9- Im going on a Daniel Fast starting FEB 15th.
10- I will read the book of Ruth 21 times. (once a day while fasting) Cant wait!
11- There is a reason why i picked that book. dont ask.
12- My baby brother gets cuter and cuter
13- My job description has changed to pretty much “change diapers and play with a 14 month old”
14- I like my new job.
15- I still go to the office. When strictly necessary. My boss (AKA: mom) would rather have me here taking care of her boy, than at the office. SCORE!
16- Im flipping scared about support raising.
17- I may or may not know one of my roommates for next year. 🙂
18- I may have or may have not found a Venezuelan to go to Africa with me in Sept. 🙂
19- Venezuela has 2 hours black-outs a day. One dollar costs more than a bottle of water AND the government is killing students all over the country. to name a few things….
20- God is still in Control.
21- God is re-directing my passion for Africa. My vision is blurry but i know it involves college students.
22- Man.. this makes me want to dance. God bless Latin America 🙂
Now. PLEASE. Tell me. Did you miss me?
Because i missed you.
STRIKE IS OVER!
ZACH IS DONE WITH SUPPORT!
Check back tomorrow- OR later today. who knows?
Have a GREAT day!
To all the crazy people out there…
Thanks for your comments and ideas-
I pray God will continue to straighten you as you continue to do CRAZY things. 🙂
I heard that one of my friends is going on a last minute mission trip. And i just thought: “This is it, Jesus. This is it”
I want a heart that listen to the voice of God and ACTS on it. Instantly.
I think i came up with my crazy thing.
Giving up 65% the money destined for entertainment on my budget. For 3 months.
Starting feb 1.
until April 30.
May 1st. I am SO going out to eat.
It’s not much. But it hurts. And if it hurts its sacrificial. If its sacrificial… then that’s what im doing.
Random thought: Going to Africa sounds crazy enough to me…. HA!
This a very shapeless post. Im just throwing random thoughts in here.
oh well!
Keep it up! Keep living a crazy life for Jesus. And let me know how it goes….
Oh! oh! Before i forget.
I have the application-for my One year internship in Africa- sitting right next to me. Half done.
I cant believe this is happening.
I am scared.
CRAZY THING
Did you read my BONUS post this saturday?
well…
I was determined to do something CRAZY for Jesus and step out of my comfort zone so others could be blessed. Now, Im still determined to do it but im just not going to do that particular thing.
Ill spare you of the details… But my parents didn’t approve. In fact they felt offended.
Not a good thing.
Im frustrated though. I REALLY wanted to do that thing. (not because i wanted wanted to. But because i knew it would allow me to be more dependent on God)
Oh well.
Im trying to come up with something else that is crazy. And i’ve got a rough idea of what that might be… But im not sure yet.
I will let you know soon. Stay tuned.
Thanks for all the support.
What is something -CRAZY- You are currently doing? How are you dying to yourself so that others can be blessed?
It’s Monday!
It’s monday and since i pretty much blogged during the weekend. Im going to keep it simple today.
I just want to ask you a simple question… or two.
If you are reading this.
what’s your name? and where are you from?
I really want to know who reads this blog. Dont ignore me!
set, ready…. GO!
Q’ Time: Prayer
Q’ Time: stands for QUESTION time. so… would you please answer the question on red bellow?
thanks 🙂
//
Everyone who’s asked me about my trip to Africa has heard me say it.
It was a school of prayer.
IT was.
Those people prayed about everything and all the time. I had never seen that before. It amazed me.
But then i came back.
and i stopped.
But im on it again.
I picked a few things ill be praying for during this month. daily
I will eventually add new requests to this list. This is all im taking for now.
– A friend i met on the Newspring web-service. She has been addicted to drugs for 3 year. She has been going to the webservice for a few months now and has kept herself clean for about a week now.
– Another friend who is dealing with sin in her life and asked me to keep her accountable.
– Zach and Marcus and their mission trip to Nicaragua. more info HERE
– Nore as we prepare for Discipleship! yay!
– Mariana as im begging God to let me disciple her too before i leave.
– My dad’s gambling addiction
– Africa and the ministry there.
Would you join me?
This is pretty much all im praying right now.
I know there are Lots of things i should add to that list. But im starting small. Prayer is not something that comes easy for me. So… hang with me.
What are some of your constant prayers?
Ps: i actually wrote this yesterday (wednesday jan 13th) Because i wont have electricity today from 7am to 11am.
Meet my brother…
He is the cutest thing in the world. He is precious to me. Specially because he came out of no-where and to me he is the best picture of the hand of God doing the impossible.
My baby brother is my joy and what i love the most in this world-
BUT!
He wont let me take pictures of himself….
It is nearly impossible.
here are some of the best…
?!@#$%~!!!
Guess who’s going to North Africa in september?
yeah…
My pastor said yes.
and i know i should write a better post considering how big of a deal this is for me. but… words are just not coming out.
What do you see?
I just read this qoute by Cs. Lewis. “What you see and what you hear has a lot to do with where you are standing”
so i find myself going through my thoughs searching for some of the things i have been seeing/hearing lately… And its funny because i have been seeing bad things comming but the second i think about them i hear a voice gentenly saying : “It will be ok. Everything is going to be ok”
And im not sure why im writting this down. Or what all these mean. But i know one thing… No matter what my eyes see. My spirit still listens to His voice. THE voice.
and for that. I am glad.
What about you?
What are you seeing/hearing?
QT
QT stands for Quiet time. And i do not know how many times im going to have to write about this. But this is just something i really struggle with. It is so hard for me to find a spot in my day to sit and JUST be with the Lord. Im not at a point in my walk where it comes out naturally. I have to be intentional about it. very intentional.
This week has been horrible. I have been horrible. No discipline. at all.
And i have been feeling guilty, distracted and too busy to do something about it.
And i need to change that. It needs to change. Today
So, this is where you step in.
Is this something you, too, struggle with?
If so, how do you manage to be intentional about it?
Help!
1st Post!
Hello Everyone!
Thanks for stopping by. This is still under construction!
How do i look?
Love-
MP
The Heart of a Missionary- 