He is my portion!

Im was reading Numbers 18 today

The LORD said to Aaron, “You will have no inheritance in their land, nor will you have any share among them; I am your share and your inheritance among the Israelites. Numbers 18: 20

As a missionary i often wonder about my future. Will i ever get married? will i ever own a house? will i ever own a car? will i ever have children? will i ever…..?

And i had always answered some of those questions with a big fat NO

Missionaries are poor

And sometimes, deep inside, i wish i wasn’t called to leave all the comforts of home to love people i dont even know.

Sometimes, if not most of the times, I am selfish.

This morning God introduced me to a truth i wasnt aware of.

He is my share.

Aaron and his sons were the high priests. They were in the “ministry” and God told him that they will have no inheritance in the Land of Canaan (The promised Land). For me, this means, no house, no car, no land to cultivate, nothing… But im no bible scholar. This might mean something else but just stay with me for a few more minutes. But He said: “I will be your share and your inheritance“

I struggled with this for a few minutes. I was like.. “but God, they were the high priests. Arent you going to give them at least some of the land? ” But then i realized God was giving them more by giving them… well… Himself

whoa!

He is my share. He is my portion. He is my inheritance.

He and He alone.

I like Him better than a house, husband, car, and children.

#justsaying.

If you are in ministry today. And are worried about financial/emotional stability. Remember this: He is your share.

Happy Monday!

Tuesday

Hello there!

not much goin on right now.

My internet is not working. That’s why im posting this right now.

Today is tuesday. I cant believe monday is over already. And i can not believe i already forgot the fact that i celebrated Jesus’ resurection two days ago.

We make such a big deal of easter sunday in our churches.

but why?  i wonder

If we so easily forget….

May you be reminded today. Tuesday. That Jesus is alive. And He is able to do what He promissed He would do.

Take heart.
He has overcome the cross.

see how lost i am?
sorry.
It is actually wednesday today.

not tuesday.

blah/ 

 

I am afraid of…

Loneliness

yes.

There was a point in my life (not so long ago) where i was surrounded by people. Lots of people. My schedule was packed with lunch dates, dinner dates, study groups, bible studies, movie nights, sleep overs, and quick trips to the ice cream place.

I was confortable.

If you know me. You know i am a people person. And quality time is my love language.

I was confortable.

Then i decided to go to Africa for a month last october. And while i was there decided to go back for a year this next september.

And ever since i came back. I have been living and experiencing my greatest and deepest fear.

L-o-n-l-e-n-i-n-e-s-s

and it doesnt matter how many times you tell me im wrong.

I feel lonely.
Because I am alone in this process.

And i have learned one thing.
It is ok

I have learned to go to God first when i freak out
I have learned to hang out with Jesus on the weekends
I have learned to stay in silence in the presence of God

I still have people around me.
I dont feel  lonely because of a lack of friends

I feel lonely because this is just part of a process God is taking me through. He is teaching me that He is more faithful than any friend, and that He is the only thing i need to hold on to.

I feel lonely.
And it is ok.

So, dear reader. Let me tell you one thing. Your biggest fear could be the path God chooses to walk  you through to show you His love and care for you.

So.

Let

It

Go!

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7

Purity II

I couldnt stop thinking about purity after i wrote this post. So i decided id go deeper.

Trend: a general direction in which something tends to move for a short period of time

Treasure: any possession that is highly valued by its owner

Purity is clearly not a trend. Purity is a treasure.

a trend is something you follow for a short period of time. A trend is something that changes over time. It does not remain the same. When everyone else stops following a specific trend. Its over. And you are given permission to follow the *next* trend, leaving the old trend behind.

This is not purity. Its not just something the disney stars are promoting. It is not something you can pursue for  a little while and then  forget about it (you could actually… but you shouldnt)

Purity is a treasure. Something valuable. Its deep and not superficial. It’s special and worth fighting for. Money cant buy it. It is also fragile. Purity is a gift worth keeping and protecting. IT is a decision. And there is no turning back.

I believe God can make you pure again if you’ve made some stupid decisions (and im not just talking about sex) in the past. I know He has restored me. He can restore you.

My desire is that you would view purity for what it is. And dont deliberately just follow a trend. I pray that you would decide to remain pure from now on.  Starting today. Forget about your past. I pray that you would treasure your purity, and put guards around it to protect it.

Thoughts?

Purity

If you’ve been reading this blog for more than 2 months you probably know that i just recently found out about the Jonas Brothers. and i really like them now.

I have been doing some research about them and (you might already know this. but give me a break. im a *new* fan) found out they wear purity rings. And it seems like all disney artists are wearing them too.

This is awesome.

Im glad kids are listening to a different message.

But im afraid that purity is becoming a trend.

Something that’s in.

Now, that is a good thing. But im afraid that people are taking pledges to remain pure without really knowing what *purity* really means.

Purity is not a trend. Purity is a treasure

I’ve wanted to wear a purity -something- (ring, necklace, brazalete…) for a long time but have never done it for some reason. I think im going to start wearing one before going to Africa. I really think that it would generate spiritual convos over there.

I dont know… I just hope the JBros dont mess up.

This is purity for me-

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality… Ephesians 5:3a

What does it mean for you?

Im Scared-

You might think that i love to write everything i feel on my blog.

You might think that it’s easy for me to be vulnerable.

You might think i enjoy it when people see me emotionally naked.

The truth is.

Sometimes writing and being vulnerable is neither easy or fun.

I am scared.

and alone.

I am not good with words. There is no way i can convince people to give to this cause. I cant speak in public.

*sight*

A video im not allowed to share on the internet just changed that. Man i wish you could see it.

It would make you want to join our team in Africa. I promise you.

and while writing this, seeing the beautiful faces of some precious friends. I realized…

Im not alone.

There’s M*, there’s G* and As*
There’s L* , D*, A* and J*

(sorry. didnt ask for permission to share their names)

young men and women who share the desire of my heart. Who hope to see vail-less faces some day soon. The bravest people i’ve ever met.

We share a passion.

And no matter how far we are from each other. We will always have Africa in common.

Im still scared.

But im not alone-

Codependency and “Missionary” Dating-

Last weekend i had a hard conversation with a friend of mine. He is precious and I love him very much.

He is dating a beautiful almost-perfect non christian girl.

And this broke my heart

I remember this guy being so in love with Jesus. So involved at his church. So involved in fellowship with other believers and building up relationships with godly men. I remember him sharing his faith whenever he had a chance to. I remember this guy following Jesus.

I sat with him this weekend.

And i saw a guy who is in love with a girl.  spends all his time with her. when he’s not with her he’s thinking about her. If he’s not thinking about her he’s probably talking to her on the phone. This guy lost his friendships with godly men -not because his friends wernt there for him. But because he didnt care for them anymore-. This guy is not spending time with God. He is not sharing his faith. He is starting to get bitter. He is hurting. He is alone.

I told him what he needed to hear.

He hated me for a few seconds. I saw it in his eyes. But then he thanked me.

Im not sure if he is going to end that relationship. He really loves her.

But im afraid he is loving her more than he is loving God.

And that is never. NEVER. A good thing.

I hurt for him. Not only because he is alone right now (that is a big part of my concern) But mostly because the girl he is inlove with does not know His saviour. Im sure that sucks.

This is a sad post.
Because this makes me very sad.

THOUGHTS?

BONUS-

I said i would write in spanish more.

but nah.

I’ll leave that for facebook.

This blog will remain an “english blog” (not sure if that makes sense)

Im sorry for my lack of consistency during these past few weeks. I have been a bad blogger and i hate that fact. Ill try to be better-

Today is sunday night and i grabbed my Bible for some 2×1 reading plan. But before that I said a quick prayer. Not very elaborated. It was simple.

Something like.

“-God, Im not going to ask you to confirm what you’ve already promised because you’ve already confirmed it about 4 times now. But please, help me, help me be confident that this is coming from you. And not my mind/heart. Lord, why is this taking so long? Why am I not seeing signs? why arnt the circumstances clear? – Amen”

Not a very spiritual prayer.

But that’s what i said. Didnt thank Him for today. Didnt praise Him. I just told Him that.

Its not the kind of prayer they teach you on sunday school.

Give me a break-

apparently He heard me. of course He did

I stumbled upon this.

When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, “If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.” ¹⁸ So God led the people around by the desert road toward the Red Sea. ^[a] The Israelites went up out of Egypt armed for battle. Exodus 13:17-18

I dont know about you. But for me.

It is clear-

God didnt show the Israelites the short cut, primarily,to protect their future. (at least that’s how i see it) why do i say that? well, easy! Had they taken the short cut -the Bible says- They would have gone back to Egypt when faced with the first battle. And God didnt want them to go back to being slaves. He was protecting the promise He himself had made.

How does it relate to me?

There is a promise. An amazing promise that im having a hard time believing.

It’s just too good to be true.

But it is. Even if my head refuses to believe.

And it seems like God is not showing me the short cut right now, in order to protect His calling for my life (and i see how this applies in a practical way). But it also seems to me that, as He did with the israelites, He is taking me to my promised land (not an actual land). Eventually. When the time is right.

Read why Im believing this. HERE

My simple. Not elaborated-prayer was answered.

Thank you, Jesus.

Am i over reacting?

Am i misreading Scripture?

Am i crazy for believing this?

HELP

THOUGHTS?

Please.

ENCORE-

I wrote this on july, 23 2008

JUST A THOUGHT-

Sometimes i really wonder how people without Jesus live. Its been a question in my mind for quite a while, and God’s constant answer is- “They Dont”
They dont live, the bible is clear, Jesus is life and whomever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life. (John 3:16) according to that verse, those who believe in Jesus have life, cuz that’s what Jesus himself is.. But what about those who DONT? they will perish, according to the Word of God. What does perish mean? well, in other versions this portion of john 3:16 is translated as… “….believes in him will not DIE….” so perish means death, spiritual death, separated from GOD.
i picture my lord, reaching out to them longing for them to have life, wispering to their ears, and i see them rejecting the blood of Jesus, i see them hurting between smiles.. they are happy people we often think. but we know they look for happiness in all the wrong places, there’s only one thing that can fill them up, and they would see it if they would just look at the cross. I see my Jesus, saying their names, I see my savior diying for them, and i see them waisting the best years of their lifes.
i see them hurt the same way i used to, i see them lost the same way i was, i see their empty hearts the same way mine was, i see tears everynight, i see broken hearts, and i see no hope.. you see, they are just as blind as i was.

God does not need us, we need him. -weather you want it or not- You need Him, and He WANTS you-

Today my heart bleeds,
it bleeds for those who pretend to know it all
it bleeds for those who think they are happy
it bleeds for those who hide their emptiness
it bleeds for those like you
for those without Jesus-

Thoughts?

ENCORE-

Ok, I have decided to post some old things that ive written.

I wrote this on  Agust 23th 2007

DISCIPLESHIP-

here is a thought about what God has been teaching me these days.

what if we are being selfish?
what if by going to these mission trips we are just sharing a small part of the Love of God.?
What if we are keeping THE BEST PART to ourselves?
yes, the best part of salvation, is not knowing what Jesus did, and how much He loves us, the best part is actually LIVING His love.
the best part of Christianity is JESUS HIMSELF. is the RELATIONSHIP.-
are we sharing that, or are we keeping that to ourselves?

people, we need more.
God demands more from us.

When we read about Jesus in the bible, we see a Jesus that not only spoke of the Love of the father, we see a Jesus showing it, we see a Jesus living it. we see a Jesus that loves relationship. we see a Jesus that went to weddings, he had dinner with people, he was trying to speak with a lot more than words, he was speaking throughRELATIONSHIP.

I understand one-week long mission trips. where theres no time for follow up. But what if we change our minds, and stop thinking about how many people get saved, and start thinking about how many people are following Him. What if, instead of going to several places, we split up and try to spend one week doing discipleship and sharing The love of God with one family.
i garantee, we will see more fruits. and maybe not a lot will get saved, but a few will continue to follow Jesus. and then, and only then, we will be fullfilling the Great commision. Jesus, says to go and make DISCIPLES of all nations, not just believers.

we want disciples
we want all nations to follow Jesus, not just to know him
knowing him is not enough, it may be enough for salvation
the bible says that whosoever believes in him, will be saved, but salvation is not the point here. A bunch of people can get saved, and they will go to heaven. but they will not know their father, because they didnt enjoy a personal relationship with Him while here on earth.

is that what we want?
i dont think so.

We have been talking about love
yet, we have not shown it the way we are supposed to.
we must care about these people, and start sharing the best part of
christianity. Jesus himself.

Think about it.
and ask God to show you His heart.
we need to start a revolution
God demands more from his children

I dont clame to be right here.

what are your thoughts?

Holiness

But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy. 1 Peter 1:15

What does that even mean? to be holy…

Well.. Let’s ramble for a second or two.

Holiness is all about your heart. Its about your motives and not about your actions.

It really doesnt matter how many days you go on a Daniel Fast. If your heart is not growing closer to The Father, then i would say you are just on a diet. (guilty)

It doesn’t matter what you are giving up for lent. If you are not finding yourself more and more dependent on God. Then you are just following a crowd.

It doesnt matter how many “christian” books you read. If you are not learning about the character of God AND applying your knowledge about Him…. Then i would say you are wasting your time.

It doesnt matter how many hours a day you spend reading The Bible. If the information you are reading is not causing a transformation in you… Then you are missing the whole point.

Arent we so legalist sometimes? (Am i speaking for myself? come one… you are, too, sometimes. RIGHT?)

We -sometimes- do all these things ultimately to feel good about our-little-selves.

Holiness is an issue of the heart.

BUT how can we be holy when our heart is sick with sin?

Well i dont have an answer.

But my best shot would be that we need to examine our hearts everyday. and ask for forgiveness everyday.

This just hit me today as i realized i spent all my day watching “J.O.N.A.S” (yes… they have a tv. show. i love it) and it was 9pm and i had still not had my time alone with God. And im supposed to be fasting, right? Fasting for who? the jonas? i dont think so. So I sat down and asked for forgiveness.

And you know What?

He Forgave me.

as usual.

My heart is wicked. prideful. selfish. rebellious. I am so glad He chose to love me first.

Im in love with Him. ❤

BONUS

I want to write about so many things right now i dont know where to start.

First off i want to ask all of the bloggers out there a question. Or two.

Why did i have 24 readers yesterday. But had 5 readers the day before? What makes a blog readable? what made it readable yesterday? Im curious

There is something else.

I am pregnant

No.

Not with a baby.

With a vision. A new vision

And as scary as it sounds. It is not for Africa.

For the past few months God has been re-directing my passion for Africa. He wants me there next year. I would even say He wants me there for a good 2-5 years. *This is yet to be confirmed* But I really believe God wants me somewhere else after that. Doing something i love to do.

But there is one problem with that. People will not believe this. Because i cant count how many times i have said God was not calling me there. And He wasn’t. But He may be now. People will criticize me im sure.

I know i shouldnt be thinking about this now. Because im just 28 weeks away from seeing the fulfillment of God’s promise to my life. Something ive been waiting for 4 years.

But it just hit me today.

This leaves me thinking that God is able to re-direct the vision He’s already given you. And re-define the passion of your heart. For the sake of His great calling for your life. Note that im not saying “change” im using the terms “re-direct” and “re-define” as indicators that there is a core value, if you would. And that will never change.

What do you think? Do you think God can do that?

What does a missionary look like?

Last night someone told me i was too “snobby” to be a missionary. I laughed at first but then i felt sad.

What does a missionary look like?

Is it because i own a Mac?

Is it because i’ve been blessed with the opportunity to travel to a few countries?

Is it because i drive a nice truck?

It’s not mine. Not even close. Its my moms. Most of the times i take public transportation. But of course you dont know that.

Is it because i speak english?

What does a missionary look like?

TELL ME!

This whole time i thought it was a heart issue. That it didnt matter what you looked like or how you dressed or what you drove or what computer you owned. I thought the fact that i voluntarily wanted to give up all the comfort i have at home mattered. I am not rich, nor are my parents. But we have a comfortable life.

and guess what?

I dont want it.

I want to give, give, give, like a crazy lady. I want to give everything i have. I dont want comfort. I want Jesus.

I thought that made eligible for the missionary position

I wish i could just send that person an email with a list of all the things im doing to prepare myself for next year. How im being diligent, how bad i beg God every day to shape me,  to make me the woman He wants me to be and to teach me how to die to myself. everyday. every minute. every second.

But I wont.

No one needs to know that but Jesus.

And He already knows.

I still love this person, respect him and appreciate him.

But this hurt.

FLF

Today i just want to talk about a simple principle that is applicable to every situation in life.

“You cant help those who dont want to be helped”

You cant make them stop sinning.

You cant make them focus.

You cant make them read their Bible.

You cant make them a budget.

You cant organize their lifes.

You cant buy them more hours.

You cant fix their relationships.

You cant get them a job.

You cant!
Not if deep inside they really dont want to make adjustments in their lifes. You can share all your knowledge/experiences/testimonies with them or you could even set an example for them to follow. But if they dont want to. Boy! they just wont.

This is frustrating.

But my guess is you are only responsible  for what YOU do/say/think. What others do/say/think is really not your responsibility. You can set an example for them  But if they dont respond to it in a positive way. I would say you are out of it. Its their deal!

What do you think?

While you think. I will leave you with a little treasure i found. It’s been out there for a while now.I knew it was there. I just never took the time to listen.

I even have a friend who looks just like one of these three kids.

Where was I?

They even came to Venezuela and i missed them.

DARN it.
Same thing happened with the Backstreet boys. I discovered them a little too late.

Confession: I like the Jonas Brothers. Taylor Swift. And Miley Cirus

I might be a little too old to like them. But i do. so, shut up/

Have a great weekend.

Oh Oh OH! i almost forget!

What are your plans for valentines day?

: )

Marriage-

Now, i am not an expert on this subject. I am as clueless as someone who is not married and has -almost- never dated anyone.

But i was talking to my favorite girl in the whole wide world the other day (*M) and she asked me if there was an example of a godly marriage in the Bible. we both agreed that there had to be one but we didnt know where to find it.

As many of you know i started NEWthru30 yestarday. (reading the New testament in 30 days)

and i think i found the couple *M and i were looking for.

Mary and Joseph

Here’s what Matthew has to say

The Birth of Jesus Christ

¹⁸This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. ¹⁹Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.

²⁰But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.²¹She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus,^[c] because he will save his people from their sins.”

²²All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: ²³“The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel”^[d]—which means, “God with us.”

²⁴When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife.²⁵But he had no union with her until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus. Matthew 1:18-24

Here are some of my thoughts…

1- Protection <v. 19>

Joseph longed to protect his bride. no-matter-what. He was willing to divorce her quietly -even if she had cheated on him- because he didnt want to dishonor her.

2- God’s voice <v.20/ v.24>

Joseph heard the voice of God. Now, that is the man we want to spend the rest of our lives with… He heard the voice of God and more importantly. He obeyed.

3- Holiness <v.25>

Joseph and Mary kept themselves pure until the time was right.

I love Mary’s attitude though
She does nothing. She only waits and prays (im sure…)

Now, as a woman i know what was going through her mind. I know exactly the thoughts she was having to deal with. Oh! i know! But she decides to be still and trust God to bring her man back to her. She doesnt call him, go talk to his parents, facebook him, or manipulates him. She lets God do His job.

ah! She’s my hero! lol

This passage tells us how to deal with conflict while in a relationship

SEEK GOD. LISTEN. OBEY James 4:17

Im sure it’s not easy, and im sure some of us were expecting more out of the Holy Book when it comes to relationships. But the truth is… This is enough. This is it. And it applies to every little single aspect in out lives…

Seek God. Listen. And then, Obey!

Selfless Love

What kind of love is that?

Is that the kind 1 corinthians 13 talks about? I would say so.

That is the kind of love Jesus gave. It is the kind of love i want to give. It is the kind of love God is teaching me to, fisrt, experience so i can, then, share  with others.

A love that is not based on feelings or in being confortable but a love that is based on a decision. Sometimes things happen and you feel like the person you once said you loved is not so loveable anymore because of something they did or said.

when that happens i realize that real love does not cease. Real love never stops. Real love will always love. Real love does not depend on circumnstances. Real love never dies.

The Bible says (cant remember where) that your yes should always be yes and your no should always be no. When the words “I- Love- You” come out of my mouth. I want them to represent my commitment to stand by that person forever, no-matter-what.

Do me a favor. And do God a favor (not that you can really do Him favors… but you get the idea) Dont take those words for granted. And when you do say “I love you”  let it be forever.  Otherwise, i would consider you a liar.

God is impressing this in my heart. So BAD!
Be encoraged! God loves you with this kind of love. A-M-A-Z-I-N-G

Anything you’d like to say…?

Selfish: To Be or Not To Be……??

This is the big question i am struggling with right now.

You know the answer
I know the answer

But… It is HARD mostly because my flesh is lauder than my spirit.

There are many situations in my life right now. Where i am constantly being tempted to be selfish and to focus on my wants and my needs. It is so easy to get lost in what makes me feel uncomfortable an what makes me mad. But what about others? what about those i say i love?

If i focus on myself. Is it real love? or is it selfish love?
WAIT. Can the words love and selfish be in the same sentence?

I dont think so.

Love is all about giving.

Loving someone means you put them first. It means biting your thong  when you dont have anything good to say. It means listening even when you want them to shut up so you can speak. It means waiting. It means patience. And it means forever

Yes! Forever.

What am i learning?

Easy! Ok, ok…. its not that easy.
But God is teaching me how to die to myself and put others first. I am painfully learning to protect the ones i love from my selfishness. Once again… It is not about me.

Living a life like Jesus’ is not an easy job. But it is worth it. And i love the fact that everything happens for a reason. And i am constantly learning how to be the woman He created me to be.

I love you Jesus. Thank you for your selfless love.

What about you?

Have you been a selfish little brat this week?

Results

I wrote the post below about two months ago when i was feeling a little bit down because i thought my church didnt really care about my God given call to be a missionary. I was frustrated and hurt. but God kept telling me that it was not about me and how i felt. He kept teaching me that i need to have a giving and thankful heart.

God has been showing me that my leaders- specially my pastor- are not perfect. But they have something that not every church leader has. And that is a heart that’s after God’s.

I went to my mission trip with my church’s support. I even had a meeting with my pastor right before going. And he showed my his heart for missions and his plans for the future.

I came back and things have changed. I cant really tell you what it is… But my church is different. Its a place that i, now, love more.

God has answered my prayer. But it took learning a lesson that i didnt like. It took time. It took a new perspective.

I am so thankful for my church and my leaders. Men and women who seek the Lord wholeheartedly and radiate it.

What about you?
What have been some of the results of the lessons God has told you?

A Lesson i didn’t like.

God taught me something i didnt like this past weekend. I have been struggling with church issues and thoughts about how bad and mistaken my church is. And i have been talking to God about it for about a year now <if not more>.

This is what i learned.

It’s not about me.

Nothing new. But i learned it in a different way. God used an illustration to help me understand what my view of the church should be like. He used an illustration about marriage. He said…” when you get married, there will be things you wont like about your spouse. There will be times when you will just want to get a divorce. There will be times when you wont feel anything.” But it is not about you in marriage… And it certainly isn’t about you when it comes to church.

“It is not about what you feel, or what you learn, or what you can get from them. It is about what you do with your perception of the things going on. It is about what you say. It is about your thoughts. Its about what you give. It is about how you give it. It is about ME.”

Now. What do i do?

I need to fall back in love with my church. Because giving up is not an option. Trying harder is.

so, yeah..

And you?
Have you learned a lesson you didnt like, lately?

ps: I wrote this about two months ago. check my blog tomorrow for the results of learning that lesson!