The Heart of a Missionary-


I live for days like Today.

Posted in Randomness,Uncategorized by misspicture on April 28, 2010
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I know i havent been blogging lately. I feel like i do have a lot to say but somehow find it hard to put it all into words.

I dont know.

Im glad keeping a blog is not my job.

I would love to blog for a living though…

and i just contradicted myself.

blah

Wanna know what i learned today after hanging out with a grownup woman ?

God allowed some awful episodes in my life. Just for tonight. Just so i could have something to tell her tonight. I cried, yes. It hurt, yes. But God transformed my tears into wisdom.

and for that… I am thankful

I was, also, able to answer one question that had been dancing around my little head…

….. Is that God’s best for your life?

Yes, sir. It is.

Because He spoke
Because there is peace in my heart
Because it does not hurt. It does NOT hurt.

I live for days like today.
I live for deep conversations where the Holy Spirit is just there
I live for days like today.

: )



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He is my portion!

Posted in Insights by misspicture on April 19, 2010
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Im was reading Numbers 18 today

The LORD said to Aaron, “You will have no inheritance in their land, nor will you have any share among them; I am your share and your inheritance among the Israelites. Numbers 18: 20

As a missionary i often wonder about my future. Will i ever get married? will i ever own a house? will i ever own a car? will i ever have children? will i ever…..?

And i had always answered some of those questions with a big fat NO

Missionaries are poor

And sometimes, deep inside, i wish i wasn’t called to leave all the comforts of home to love people i dont even know.

Sometimes, if not most of the times, I am selfish.

This morning God introduced me to a truth i wasnt aware of.

He is my share.

Aaron and his sons were the high priests. They were in the “ministry” and God told him that they will have no inheritance in the Land of Canaan (The promised Land). For me, this means, no house, no car, no land to cultivate, nothing… But im no bible scholar. This might mean something else but just stay with me for a few more minutes. But He said: “I will be your share and your inheritance

I struggled with this for a few minutes. I was like.. “but God, they were the high priests. Arent you going to give them at least some of the land? ” But then i realized God was giving them more by giving them… well… Himself

whoa!

He is my share. He is my portion. He is my inheritance.

He and He alone.

I like Him better than a house, husband, car, and children.

#justsaying.

If you are in ministry today. And are worried about financial/emotional stability. Remember this: He is your share.

Happy Monday!




Jesus time this AM

Posted in Q' Time,Randomness by misspicture on April 15, 2010
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I dont always start my day with Jesus.

It is really stupid, actually. Why would i not start my day with Jesus?

Im going to try to do this like… everyday now.

enough said.

As i was enjoying a cup of coffee (which, by the way, should be next to Bibles, in christians stores… They go so well together) and reading the book of Numbers. I found a couple of verses that moved me to pray a prayer i never thought i would pray. I didnt really know i could pray this. But i did.

Aaron and Miriam were talking trash about moses’ new girlfriend (wife actually.. ) and God didnt like that. and look…

6 he said, “Listen to my words:
“When a prophet of the LORD is among you,
I reveal myself to him in visions,
I speak to him in dreams.

7 But this is not true of my servant Moses;
he is faithful in all my house.

8 With him I speak face to face,
clearly and not in riddles;

he sees the form of the LORD.
Why then were you not afraid
to speak against my servant Moses?” Numbers 12:6-8

did you see that?

God was like… “you know the other prophets? you know how i speak to them through visions and stuff? well… Moses is like my favorite! i talk to him face to face. no need for visions. I speak to him loud and clear”

what?

I asked God if i could be like Moses. Now, i never ever thought i would pray this. And i dont really know why. I just never found moses interesting. I always liked Abraham… with the whole “leave your country and your relatives and go to the land that i will show you…” thing. But Moses? i dont know.. I just never felt like we had something in common.

But i want to have something in common with him. Right now

I want God to talk to me face to face. Loud and clear. Like He used to talk to Moses.

Moses was really confident around God. And i think this might have had something to do with the way God spoke to him.

Moses has become, today, my favorite Bible character.

Who’s your favorite?
why?

Will you believe….?

Posted in Insights by misspicture on April 14, 2010
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Today (I actually wrote this last night) as i was talking to a friend and trying to encourage him. I spoke the words i needed for myself.

Has that ever happened to you?

Its kind of creepy-

My friend just heard from God But is waiting for the promise to be fulfilled.

The circumstances are saying NO
but God said yes…

I know what it is like to stand in that place

a place of insecurities
a place of doubts
a place of uncertainty…

So i told him this:

If God spoke… man! That is all you need to know. Just hold on to His words and wait for His promise to be fulfilled. regardless of the circumstances. Just know He has already done what He promised even if you dont see it right now.

can i get an AMEN?

BANG!

and then it hit me.

That is exactly what i needed to hear. Because I, just like my friend, am standing in that place of uncertainty right now. In the middle of God’s promise and the contradicting circumstances. Between a yes and a no.

How ironic is it that i expect my friend to trust God in spite of his circumstances but i am unable to do so myself. ?

ugh!!

this frustrates me!

Sometimes we have to forget about the world and just close our eyes and let daddy’s voice be our guide and the lamp to our feet.

Today.
I choose to believe what He said.
and give my circumstances a kick in the butt.

‘nough said.

BONUS- #Thankful

Posted in BONUS by misspicture on April 10, 2010
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Its 12:31 am and i cant sleep.

After all that Jonas Brothers talk i had today…..

GOSH! I dont want to like them this much. But i do! WHY>?!

They really are not that good. But their songs are just stuck in my little head.

anyways….

This is a happy post.

A thankful one.

Because there are people in this world that understand me. They love me. They get me. They read between the lines and they understand exactly what i want to say. People who finish my sentences.

People i will miss.

I am thankful today.

I am whole. I could live this live im living right now forever.

No need to change a thing.

God has been good.
He gets the glory.

Tuesday

Posted in Insights,Randomness by misspicture on April 7, 2010
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Hello there!

not much goin on right now.

My internet is not working. That’s why im posting this right now.

Today is tuesday. I cant believe monday is over already. And i can not believe i already forgot the fact that i celebrated Jesus’ resurection two days ago.

We make such a big deal of easter sunday in our churches.

but why?  i wonder

If we so easily forget….

May you be reminded today. Tuesday. That Jesus is alive. And He is able to do what He promissed He would do.

Take heart.
He has overcome the cross.

see how lost i am?
sorry.
It is actually wednesday today.

not tuesday.

blah/ 

 

I am afraid of…

Posted in Insights by misspicture on April 7, 2010
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Loneliness

yes.

There was a point in my life (not so long ago) where i was surrounded by people. Lots of people. My schedule was packed with lunch dates, dinner dates, study groups, bible studies, movie nights, sleep overs, and quick trips to the ice cream place.

I was confortable.

If you know me. You know i am a people person. And quality time is my love language.

I was confortable.

Then i decided to go to Africa for a month last october. And while i was there decided to go back for a year this next september.

And ever since i came back. I have been living and experiencing my greatest and deepest fear.

L-o-n-l-e-n-i-n-e-s-s

and it doesnt matter how many times you tell me im wrong.

I feel lonely.
Because I am alone in this process.

And i have learned one thing.
It is ok

I have learned to go to God first when i freak out
I have learned to hang out with Jesus on the weekends
I have learned to stay in silence in the presence of God

I still have people around me.
I dont feel  lonely because of a lack of friends

I feel lonely because this is just part of a process God is taking me through. He is teaching me that He is more faithful than any friend, and that He is the only thing i need to hold on to.

I feel lonely.
And it is ok.

So, dear reader. Let me tell you one thing. Your biggest fear could be the path God chooses to walk  you through to show you His love and care for you.

So.

Let

It

Go!

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline. 2 Timothy 1:7



Purity II

Posted in Insights by misspicture on March 25, 2010
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I couldnt stop thinking about purity after i wrote this post. So i decided id go deeper.

Trend: a general direction in which something tends to move for a short period of time

Treasure: any possession that is highly valued by its owner

Purity is clearly not a trend. Purity is a treasure.

a trend is something you follow for a short period of time. A trend is something that changes over time. It does not remain the same. When everyone else stops following a specific trend. Its over. And you are given permission to follow the *next* trend, leaving the old trend behind.

This is not purity. Its not just something the disney stars are promoting. It is not something you can pursue for  a little while and then  forget about it (you could actually… but you shouldnt)

Purity is a treasure. Something valuable. Its deep and not superficial. It’s special and worth fighting for. Money cant buy it. It is also fragile. Purity is a gift worth keeping and protecting. IT is a decision. And there is no turning back.

I believe God can make you pure again if you’ve made some stupid decisions (and im not just talking about sex) in the past. I know He has restored me. He can restore you.

My desire is that you would view purity for what it is. And dont deliberately just follow a trend. I pray that you would decide to remain pure from now on.  Starting today. Forget about your past. I pray that you would treasure your purity, and put guards around it to protect it.

Thoughts?


Purity

Posted in Insights by misspicture on March 24, 2010
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If you’ve been reading this blog for more than 2 months you probably know that i just recently found out about the Jonas Brothers. and i really like them now.

I have been doing some research about them and (you might already know this. but give me a break. im a *new* fan) found out they wear purity rings. And it seems like all disney artists are wearing them too.

This is awesome.

Im glad kids are listening to a different message.

But im afraid that purity is becoming a trend.

Something that’s in.

Now, that is a good thing. But im afraid that people are taking pledges to remain pure without really knowing what *purity* really means.

Purity is not a trend. Purity is a treasure

I’ve wanted to wear a purity -something- (ring, necklace, brazalete…) for a long time but have never done it for some reason. I think im going to start wearing one before going to Africa. I really think that it would generate spiritual convos over there.

I dont know… I just hope the JBros dont mess up.

This is purity for me-

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality… Ephesians 5:3a

What does it mean for you?

What’s your passion?

Posted in Q' Time by misspicture on March 23, 2010
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As you read HERE God is re-directing my vision and passion for Africa.

He has been tackling me with opportunities to serve/love/disciple young women in this city. And the more i pack my agenda with dates (with precious girls) the more i realize I was created for this.

I have a tendency to empathize.

I also have a tendency to hurt when they hurt and rejoice when they do.

I dont know. I just happen to have a heart for girls

I am passionate about it.

It all started one summer afternoon in Spain [2005]. When During an outreach I met a women who was going through a hard time. I picked a flower and handed it to her. Then she looked me in the eyes and said, “Thank you, this is who Jesus is.” When I saw her need, I realized that women in  Africa lack the love, value and acceptance that Jesus offers.  And that is why I feel called to minister there.

That day… I knew i was supposed to minister to women.

But there is one little problem. i kind of wasted 5 years of my life thinking that i was supposed to serve/love/disciple women over there. I forgot about the women God had placed in my life. Here

But its never too late

and so, I am investing my life in a few girls this year (or should i say 23 weeks?)

Would you please pray That God would make room in my busy agenda, so i can pour out my life in the lives of these girls?

Now. Its your turn
What is your passion?
How can i pray for you?

GO!

Once upon a rainbow…

Posted in BONUS,Poetry by misspicture on March 20, 2010
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Life goes UP
Life goes DOWN
Dreams change
Friends come and go
But You.
You, my dear
Are what keeps me trying
You, my love
Are the rainbow in my cloudy days.

I love you
Even when i dont feel like it.
I love you

and so, I dance…

At the sound of your silence
at the beat of your music

Once upon a rainbow

FLF- What donkey?

Posted in FLF by misspicture on March 19, 2010
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Today my mom is mad at me.

If you know me. You probably know how much that fact disturbs me.

But im fine today. Because i actually think she is wrong

Moving on!

I know God never changes. But for some reason i always thought the OT God wouldn’t hang out with Jesus. (im sorry. This is messed up theology. i know)

But then i found this-

“If you come across your enemy‘s ox or donkey wandering off, be sure to take it back to him”. Exodus 23: 4

For me this is the OT version of

“Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you”. Matthew 5:44

His LOVE will never change.

EVER-

Who’s your enemy today?
Identify his donkey, and
be sure to take it back to him….

Have a great friday!


Im Scared-

Posted in Support Raising by misspicture on March 18, 2010
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You might think that i love to write everything i feel on my blog.

You might think that it’s easy for me to be vulnerable.

You might think i enjoy it when people see me emotionally naked.

The truth is.

Sometimes writing and being vulnerable is neither easy or fun.

I am scared.

and alone.

I am not good with words. There is no way i can convince people to give to this cause. I cant speak in public.

*sight*

A video im not allowed to share on the internet just changed that. Man i wish you could see it.

It would make you want to join our team in Africa. I promise you.

and while writing this, seeing the beautiful faces of some precious friends. I realized…

Im not alone.

There’s M*, there’s G* and As*
There’s L* , D*, A* and J*

(sorry. didnt ask for permission to share their names)

young men and women who share the desire of my heart. Who hope to see vail-less faces some day soon. The bravest people i’ve ever met.

We share a passion.

And no matter how far we are from each other. We will always have Africa in common.

Im still scared.

But im not alone-




Codependency and “Missionary” Dating-

Posted in Randomness,Uncategorized by misspicture on March 15, 2010
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Last weekend i had a hard conversation with a friend of mine. He is precious and I love him very much.

He is dating a beautiful almost-perfect non christian girl.

And this broke my heart

I remember this guy being so in love with Jesus. So involved at his church. So involved in fellowship with other believers and building up relationships with godly men. I remember him sharing his faith whenever he had a chance to. I remember this guy following Jesus.

I sat with him this weekend.

And i saw a guy who is in love with a girl.  spends all his time with her. when he’s not with her he’s thinking about her. If he’s not thinking about her he’s probably talking to her on the phone. This guy lost his friendships with godly men -not because his friends wernt there for him. But because he didnt care for them anymore-. This guy is not spending time with God. He is not sharing his faith. He is starting to get bitter. He is hurting. He is alone.

I told him what he needed to hear.

He hated me for a few seconds. I saw it in his eyes. But then he thanked me.

Im not sure if he is going to end that relationship. He really loves her.

But im afraid he is loving her more than he is loving God.

And that is never. NEVER. A good thing.

I hurt for him. Not only because he is alone right now (that is a big part of my concern) But mostly because the girl he is inlove with does not know His saviour. Im sure that sucks.

This is a sad post.
Because this makes me very sad.

THOUGHTS?

BONUS-

Posted in 2x1=2,BONUS by misspicture on March 15, 2010
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I said i would write in spanish more.

but nah.

I’ll leave that for facebook.

This blog will remain an “english blog” (not sure if that makes sense)

Im sorry for my lack of consistency during these past few weeks. I have been a bad blogger and i hate that fact. Ill try to be better-

Today is sunday night and i grabbed my Bible for some 2×1 reading plan. But before that I said a quick prayer. Not very elaborated. It was simple.

Something like.

“-God, Im not going to ask you to confirm what you’ve already promised because you’ve already confirmed it about 4 times now. But please, help me, help me be confident that this is coming from you. And not my mind/heart. Lord, why is this taking so long? Why am I not seeing signs? why arnt the circumstances clear? – Amen”

Not a very spiritual prayer.

But that’s what i said. Didnt thank Him for today. Didnt praise Him. I just told Him that.

Its not the kind of prayer they teach you on sunday school.

Give me a break-

apparently He heard me. of course He did

I stumbled upon this.

When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter. For God said, “If they face war, they might change their minds and return to Egypt.” 18 So God led the people around by the desert road toward the Red Sea. [a] The Israelites went up out of Egypt armed for battle. Exodus 13:17-18

I dont know about you. But for me.

It is clear-

God didnt show the Israelites the short cut, primarily,to protect their future. (at least that’s how i see it) why do i say that? well, easy! Had they taken the short cut -the Bible says- They would have gone back to Egypt when faced with the first battle. And God didnt want them to go back to being slaves. He was protecting the promise He himself had made.

How does it relate to me?

There is a promise. An amazing promise that im having a hard time believing.

It’s just too good to be true.

But it is. Even if my head refuses to believe.

And it seems like God is not showing me the short cut right now, in order to protect His calling for my life (and i see how this applies in a practical way). But it also seems to me that, as He did with the israelites, He is taking me to my promised land (not an actual land). Eventually. When the time is right.

Read why Im believing this. HERE

My simple. Not elaborated-prayer was answered.

Thank you, Jesus.

Am i over reacting?

Am i misreading Scripture?

Am i crazy for believing this?

HELP

THOUGHTS?

Please.

ENCORE-

Posted in Encore by misspicture on March 10, 2010
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I wrote this on july, 23 2008

JUST A THOUGHT-

Sometimes i really wonder how people without Jesus live. Its been a question in my mind for quite a while, and God’s constant answer is- “They Dont”
They dont live, the bible is clear, Jesus is life and whomever believes in Him will not perish but have everlasting life. (John 3:16) according to that verse, those who believe in Jesus have life, cuz that’s what Jesus himself is.. But what about those who DONT? they will perish, according to the Word of God. What does perish mean? well, in other versions this portion of john 3:16 is translated as… “….believes in him will not DIE….” so perish means death, spiritual death, separated from GOD.
i picture my lord, reaching out to them longing for them to have life, wispering to their ears, and i see them rejecting the blood of Jesus, i see them hurting between smiles.. they are happy people we often think. but we know they look for happiness in all the wrong places, there’s only one thing that can fill them up, and they would see it if they would just look at the cross. I see my Jesus, saying their names, I see my savior diying for them, and i see them waisting the best years of their lifes.
i see them hurt the same way i used to, i see them lost the same way i was, i see their empty hearts the same way mine was, i see tears everynight, i see broken hearts, and i see no hope.. you see, they are just as blind as i was.

God does not need us, we need him. -weather you want it or not- You need Him, and He WANTS you-

Today my heart bleeds,
it bleeds for those who pretend to know it all
it bleeds for those who think they are happy
it bleeds for those who hide their emptiness
it bleeds for those like you
for those without Jesus-

Thoughts?

ENCORE-

Posted in Encore by misspicture on March 9, 2010
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I wrote this on AUGUST 31, 2007


WORSHIP-

There is a lot going on with me right now. Theres a lot of decisions to be made, and that stresses me out. Things like what to do after college and choosing a mate, are running around my head, day through night. Sometimes, i cant even sleep.. And i know i need to lay my thoughts to the cross, but i just find it really hard.


God keeps doing weird things, things that, acording to me, are bizard. I just dont seem to get what in the world He is thinking, isnt He supposed to take care of my heart? isnt He supposed to help me keep my thoughts organized? after all that has been my prayer for a while.. But no, aparently He keeps allowing my thoughts to run around my head, and they just dont stop. ive been getting head aches and all.


I seriously dont understand what God is doing with me right now, but theres something inside of me, that shouts ¡Its all good!. There is something within me, that draws me to my bible everynight.. Theres this hunger for His word, a hunger ive never felt before, and even thought im just a child who doesnt understand what her dad is doing, for some reason i feel closer to Him. He is teaching me how to kneel and how to walk in His presence.


This is inidiscribable


Last night i had a dream, it was a good dream.. probably too good. But i sorta woke up thinking that had actually happened, and then realized it was just a dream, and it was the worst thing… And i dont know why i had that dream anyways, after all i didnt need to be all disapointed this morning.


i hated it, i was so mad.
I didnt understand, but i chose to worship.

and i felt peace.
never ending peace.

Not understanding, can be really hard for me, because i want to know whats going to happen.. and i want to know NOW.

but seriously, when i think about the cross, and when i think about how much He really loves me, my crazy annoying thoughts just go away.. And worship is all i can do.

crying has never felt so good
as it did this morning.

He is faithful, kids
and i cant stop speaking of His goodness.

so, worship Him
no matter what you are going through
come to Him
just come to Him

I remember this day. clearly And that dream surly didn’t come true. BUT I can tell you something today. almost 3 years after i wrote that.

It will be ok.

whatever you’re going through. Just choose to worship Him.

and.

It will be ok.

Im ok now.

🙂

Thoughts?

ENCORE-

Posted in Encore by misspicture on March 8, 2010
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Ok, I have decided to post some old things that ive written.

I wrote this on  Agust 23th 2007

DISCIPLESHIP-

here is a thought about what God has been teaching me these days.

what if we are being selfish?
what if by going to these mission trips we are just sharing a small part of the Love of God.?
What if we are keeping
THE BEST PART to ourselves?
yes, the best part of salvation, is not knowing what Jesus did, and how much He loves us, the best part is actually LIVING His love.
the best part of Christianity is JESUS HIMSELF. is the RELATIONSHIP.-
are we sharing that, or are we keeping that to ourselves?

people, we need more.
God demands more from us.

When we read about Jesus in the bible, we see a Jesus that not only spoke of the Love of the father, we see a Jesus showing it, we see a Jesus living it. we see a Jesus that loves relationship. we see a Jesus that went to weddings, he had dinner with people, he was trying to speak with a lot more than words, he was speaking throughRELATIONSHIP.

I understand one-week long mission trips. where theres no time for follow up. But what if we change our minds, and stop thinking about how many people get saved, and start thinking about how many people are following Him. What if, instead of going to several places, we split up and try to spend one week doing discipleship and sharing The love of God with one family.
i garantee, we will see more fruits. and maybe not a lot will get saved, but a few will continue to follow Jesus. and then, and only then, we will be fullfilling the Great commision. Jesus, says to go and make DISCIPLES of all nations, not just believers.

we want disciples
we want all nations to follow Jesus, not just to know him
knowing him is not enough, it may be enough for salvation
the bible says that whosoever believes in him, will be saved, but salvation is not the point here. A bunch of people can get saved, and they will go to heaven. but they will not know their father, because they didnt enjoy a personal relationship with Him while here on earth.

is that what we want?
i dont think so.

We have been talking about love
yet, we have not shown it the way we are supposed to.
we must care about these people, and start sharing the best part of
christianity. Jesus himself.

Think about it.
and ask God to show you His heart.
we need to start a revolution
God demands more from his children

I dont clame to be right here.

what are your thoughts?


BONUS- Ten reasons why…

Posted in 10 Things by misspicture on March 7, 2010
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Ten reasons why I believe God said YES.

1- Obedience to God let me to it

2- God has spoken various times. Through His words mostly

3- I had been praying for this exact same thing for about 7 years

4- I have peace in my heart like never before. I am not anxious

5- I have not cried a single tear.

6- Everytime i doubt. God gives me a reason to stop

7- This is all about God. It really is all about Him.

8- It feels right

9- The right people agree

10- There is really no reason for Him to say no.

11- God is still sitting in His throne

12- This really looks like something God would agree with

13- I was not expecting this.

14- I was not looking for this.

I know i said 10 things. blah!

u with me?

Holiness

Posted in Daniel Fast,Randomness by misspicture on February 25, 2010
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But now you must be holy in everything you do, just as God who chose you is holy. 1 Peter 1:15

What does that even mean? to be holy…

Well.. Let’s ramble for a second or two.

Holiness is all about your heart. Its about your motives and not about your actions.

It really doesnt matter how many days you go on a Daniel Fast. If your heart is not growing closer to The Father, then i would say you are just on a diet. (guilty)

It doesn’t matter what you are giving up for lent. If you are not finding yourself more and more dependent on God. Then you are just following a crowd.

It doesnt matter how many “christian” books you read. If you are not learning about the character of God AND applying your knowledge about Him…. Then i would say you are wasting your time.

It doesnt matter how many hours a day you spend reading The Bible. If the information you are reading is not causing a transformation in you… Then you are missing the whole point.

Arent we so legalist sometimes? (Am i speaking for myself? come one… you are, too, sometimes. RIGHT?)

We -sometimes- do all these things ultimately to feel good about our-little-selves.

Holiness is an issue of the heart.

BUT how can we be holy when our heart is sick with sin?

Well i dont have an answer.

But my best shot would be that we need to examine our hearts everyday. and ask for forgiveness everyday.

This just hit me today as i realized i spent all my day watching “J.O.N.A.S” (yes… they have a tv. show. i love it) and it was 9pm and i had still not had my time alone with God. And im supposed to be fasting, right? Fasting for who? the jonas? i dont think so. So I sat down and asked for forgiveness.

And you know What?

He Forgave me.

as usual.

My heart is wicked. prideful. selfish. rebellious. I am so glad He chose to love me first.

Im in love with Him. ❤

BONUS

Posted in BONUS by misspicture on February 19, 2010
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I want to write about so many things right now i dont know where to start.

First off i want to ask all of the bloggers out there a question. Or two.

Why did i have 24 readers yesterday. But had 5 readers the day before? What makes a blog readable? what made it readable yesterday? Im curious

There is something else.

I am pregnant

No.

Not with a baby.

With a vision. A new vision

And as scary as it sounds. It is not for Africa.

For the past few months God has been re-directing my passion for Africa. He wants me there next year. I would even say He wants me there for a good 2-5 years. *This is yet to be confirmed* But I really believe God wants me somewhere else after that. Doing something i love to do.

But there is one problem with that. People will not believe this. Because i cant count how many times i have said God was not calling me there. And He wasn’t. But He may be now. People will criticize me im sure.

I know i shouldnt be thinking about this now. Because im just 28 weeks away from seeing the fulfillment of God’s promise to my life. Something ive been waiting for 4 years.

But it just hit me today.

This leaves me thinking that God is able to re-direct the vision He’s already given you. And re-define the passion of your heart. For the sake of His great calling for your life. Note that im not saying “change” im using the terms “re-direct” and “re-define” as indicators that there is a core value, if you would. And that will never change.

What do you think? Do you think God can do that?

What does a missionary look like?

Posted in Insights,Randomness by misspicture on February 17, 2010
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Last night someone told me i was too “snobby” to be a missionary. I laughed at first but then i felt sad.

What does a missionary look like?

Is it because i own a Mac?

Is it because i’ve been blessed with the opportunity to travel to a few countries?

Is it because i drive a nice truck?

It’s not mine. Not even close. Its my moms. Most of the times i take public transportation. But of course you dont know that.

Is it because i speak english?

What does a missionary look like?

TELL ME!

This whole time i thought it was a heart issue. That it didnt matter what you looked like or how you dressed or what you drove or what computer you owned. I thought the fact that i voluntarily wanted to give up all the comfort i have at home mattered. I am not rich, nor are my parents. But we have a comfortable life.

and guess what?

I dont want it.

I want to give, give, give, like a crazy lady. I want to give everything i have. I dont want comfort. I want Jesus.

I thought that made eligible for the missionary position

I wish i could just send that person an email with a list of all the things im doing to prepare myself for next year. How im being diligent, how bad i beg God every day to shape me,  to make me the woman He wants me to be and to teach me how to die to myself. everyday. every minute. every second.

But I wont.

No one needs to know that but Jesus.

And He already knows.

I still love this person, respect him and appreciate him.

But this hurt.

What im reading…

Posted in Insights by misspicture on February 11, 2010
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A good friend of mine, my leader, and my mentor, once told me to stop reading books about love and relationships.

I respect him.

So I Did.

For about a year.

He was right. I was thinking too much about it. And swallowing way too much information. Im glad i stopped. It helped me focus on THE  ultimate Book. The Bible.

But i picked this book up yesterday. My good friend Jyll – also one of my mentors-  gave this to me 2 years ago for my birthday. And as i started reading it again last night. The thoughts i had 2 years ago  came to mind and seemed so bizarre.

Let me break this down for you.

Two years ago i felt slapped in the face. As the writer described single women and the common mistakes they often make…. or should i say “we”? yeah… The mistakes WE often make.

But last night. I didn’t feel like that at all. I felt rather affirmed.

AND It scared the heck out of me!

I dont really know why. But it did

I had highlighted this: “Fourth, your marriage will only be as successful as your single life. Nurture wholeness where you are”

two years ago my thought was: My boyfriend/future husband will complete me. I will not be whole until i meet him.

My thought last night was: I am complete in You, Lord.

Needless to say, i was wrong two years ago.

suddenly the words in that book were not correcting my behavior anymore. They were encouraging me to keep doing what im already doing. And yes, it was a little scary but at the same time refreshing and liberating.

I am whole. I have found joy, contentment, hope, peace, love and even entertainment in my relationship with Jesus. I need nothing else. Dont get me wrong! i still want to get married and raise godly children. It’s one of my deepest desires. But Marriage is not an idol anymore. It used to be.

Im glad i realized that last night.

I will finish up that book one more time. But this time i wont be looking for answers.

2×1= 2

Posted in 2x1=2 by misspicture on February 10, 2010
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I’ve got a new challenge!

Read the Bible in 2 years. 2 chapters a day.

Do i want to do this?

NO!

Is my pastor making me?

YES!

But dont worry. that is a good thing.  🙂

But let me explain my situation for a minute. 35 days ago i finished up the whole Bible and i did it in 90 days. B90X And yesterday i finished up reading the New Testament in 30 days NewThru30 Thank You Elevation Church

BUT i am drained. I am exhausted from speedy reading plans. They are AMAZING i loved them, i enjoyed them, i learned so much BUT i was just getting ready to start reading on my own and studying whatever i wanted without having to read something in particular. Oh well! It’s all good.

I am so thankful for my pastor. I LOVE the fact that he is encouraging us to do this. I LOVE that we are doing this together. It makes me smile.

And i will stop complaining. I am starting tomorrow. And im kind of excited… You know how much i love challenges!

So February will be a -heavy- month.

– Daniel Fast from feb 15th to March 7th (this means not eating out)
– Reading the book of Ruth everyday while fasting
– 2×1= 2

Ahhhhh! I changed my mind! i WANT to do this. I love challenges! i love them. Specially when they draw me closer to Jesus.

What about you?

How are you intentionally nourishing your relationship with Jesus?

Unsuccessful

Posted in Randomness by misspicture on February 9, 2010
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I am sitting at the nearest subway right now. It is sunday dec 27th. And i came here to have a Hot date with Jesus. But Oh my Gosh! this place is LOUD.
I cant concentrate.
But i figured it is not about the place’s quietness. It is about my hot date. It is about Jesus and how much i love Him. It is about my precious saviour and the oportunity ive been given to have His words, His mere words opened in front of me.
You make the catchy music disapear. You are worth silencing shakira’s voice (old-in-spanish-shakira. Listen to her! she was way better then….)
Today, as my attempt to spend a quiet time with Jesus wasnt succesful. I leave my Bible open, and let Your word speak to me. I let your presence fill this place. I let your presence fill my day.
I love you, my love.

Support Raising.

Posted in Support Raising by misspicture on February 8, 2010
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I was talking to one of my -possible- roommates for next year the other night and was telling her how scared i was about support raising. I told her i didnt even want to try. I am so not confident about this.

I KNOW in my mind God will provide. I am sure He will!  But for some reason i am not friends with the idea of “asking people for money” I am not good at it. Im scared about how vulnerable i will get and how lonely i will feel.

confession: I feel lonely right now. And i have not even started. I guess this is the life of a missionary.

I just cant do this.

I have ZERO skills.

But guess what?

I had my first donation last night.

And no. I dont know this person.

I didnt even ask for it.

It just came my way.

Unbelievable !

I dont even want to imagine what’s next in this journey. There is fear and lots of anxiety but there is also excitement. I feel like God is being so gracious and so clear. I have never felt Him so close and so involved in my life before.

Please keep praying for support. (i have not officially started. I will let you know when i do) I will keep you posted/

FLF

Posted in FLF by misspicture on February 4, 2010
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My baby brother had not been feeling well for the past two days. He had a fever yesterday morning but he was fine by noon.

He was happily napping. I was watching glee right beside him. my right hand was touching his little left leg.

Fever was apparently gone.

Out of the blue he started shaking and getting all red.

a convulsion.

My beloved almost son was having a convulsion.

I left the room, holding his little shaking body, screaming! Shortly enough we (me, my cousin, and the lady who helps us at the house)  -literally-  ran to the nearest med. center. It took us about 4 min. [Thank you Chavez] and there they put him on an oxigen masc, gave him some shots and then we (me and the baby) got into the shower so the fever would go down.

2 hours later. He was fine. He IS fine.

But me. I am still shaking.

The whole time i was at the med. center holding my -hardly breathing- brother i was singing “Holy is the Lord, God Almighty… The earth is filled with His glory…” while bawling my eyes out. And Let me tell you. It is not easy. It is not easy to sing and cry at the same time. It is not easy to see the person you love the most in this world having so much trouble to breathe. It is not easy to NOT be in control. It is not easy to be thankful…. It wasnt easy to remain thankful yesterday.

When i got home. I prayed this prayer. While still bawling my eyes out. “God. I dont get it. But it doesnt matter. I choose to worship You. You are good. You are good”

He is good. He will never cease to be good. Ever.

Yesterday was officially the worst day of my life.

Not only because my brother had a convulsion. But mostly because i realized how much i love him. I love him so much it hurts.

He is my Isaac.

And God is asking me to leave him.

and I will. In 30 weeks.

I am devastated. It hurts. It hurts so much it gets hard to breathe.

But one thing remains clear.

God is good.
and my circumstances  are unable to change that.

Be encouraged! Stay strong! Remain Thankful!

My LOVE language [Parte DOS]

Posted in Randomness by misspicture on February 1, 2010
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Ok. I cant stop thinking about my love language.

And it just HIT me.

This is the way i relate to God. It is the way i show Him i love Him.

I spend time with Him.

That is why i struggle SO much with quiet time. When i dont sit down and spend quality time with Him i feel like im not loving Him.

tricky, huh?!

Oh! the things you learn about yourself….

I like this though.

I LOVE the fact that having a quiet time is not just a ritual in my day but an act of love and worship. While i sit down with a cup of tea (yes, tea is mandatory) and with an open Bible i feel (and He knows because He made me this way) on my highest level of love. yes. si!

I am amazed by this.

I LOVE IT.

what about you? how do you feel like you are loving God the most?

BONUS- URGENT

Posted in BONUS by misspicture on January 20, 2010
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I have a burden in my heart

would you take a minute to read this?
and probably support my friend who’s going to Haiti. you can just give $1

http://zachpippin.com/haiti/

Everyone wants to do something about Haiti, right? Every one is talking about how the church needs to shine and step up. You’ve said it. I’ve said it.

I have heard of a bunch of organizations who are asking for money, even celebrities are giving to this cause. But when Zach told me that he changed his plans to go to Nicaragua and is going to Haiti FOR FIVE MONTHS instead… I thought. Now! this is what people in Haiti need.

They need the food you’ve sent, they need the water you’ve bought. But they also need men and women who are willing to be Jesus to them.

TO PROOVE MY COMMITMENT TO THIS CAUSE AND MY SUPPORT TO MY FRIEND ZACH.

I AM OFFICIALLY ON  A BLOG STRIKE.
until you step up and start being the church.

he is asking for $1. You have that!

See you when Zach is done with support!

CRAZY THING

Posted in Randomness by misspicture on January 18, 2010
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Did you read my BONUS post this saturday?

well…

I was determined to do something CRAZY for Jesus and step out of my comfort zone so others could be blessed.  Now, Im still determined to do it but im just not going to do that particular thing.

Ill spare you of the details… But my parents didn’t approve. In fact they felt offended.

Not a good thing.

Im frustrated though. I REALLY wanted to do that thing. (not because i wanted wanted to. But because i knew it would allow me to be more dependent on God)

Oh well.

Im trying to come up with something else that is crazy. And i’ve got a rough idea of what that might be… But im not sure yet.

I will let you know soon. Stay tuned.

Thanks for all the support.

What is something -CRAZY- You are currently doing? How are you dying to yourself so that others can be blessed?

BONUS- challenge

Posted in BONUS by misspicture on January 17, 2010
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This is another saturday post.

welcome! 🙂

Last week i read an awesome book by Francis Chan called CRAZY LOVE. It talks about so many things that it’s hard to paraphrase but if i had to describe it with a word it would be challenging

You have to read it. It will change the way you live your “christian” life.

And i have been thinking about what is it that God wants me to do specifically. What does He want me to change? In what areas of my life am i living a lukewarm christianity?

Today  i listened to this message by Francis Chan. Look for \”Lukewarm and loving it\” This will slap you in the face.

And i know what God wants me to do.

and… can i say OUCH!?

1- It is something i dont want to do

2- It is something i am scared to do

3- It is something my parents wont approve

4- It is something my friends wont approve

5- It is something C-R-A-Z-Y and radical

I dont want to do this. No way! details later…

But you know what? I dont ever ever EVER want to knowingly ignore the voice of my God.
I want people to look at me and kNOW that there is something strange inside of me… something they dont have (Jesus). I dont ever want to have treasures in this world. I want to invest in His kingdom… not because He promises to bless me but mostly because of my crazy love for the King.

Today the words of a dear friend become true and not-so-crazy- anymore.

“I would be happy living in a studio. I dont need much. Poor wife…”
Im with you George.!

He is right. Now i get it.

What kind of life are we living? Does our life reflect the love, compassion, selflessness and surrender of Jesus?

We are way too comfortable….

So im doing something CRAZY. Im not telling you quite yet. But you’ll know

God wants everything from us. Not just leftovers. He wants everything.

And if for you that means being uncomfortable… then so be it!

Now i dont want you to think that i want everyone to be poor. Nor i believe that everyone needs to be rich. I think there should be a balance.

“Give God your first and your BEST, and trust Him to bless the rest” – Craig Groaeshel

BONUS

Posted in BONUS by misspicture on January 15, 2010
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SEE how much i love you -my readers-? Im writing a BONUS post on a friday!

I have a raw idea of what i want to say… Ill do my best to develop it as a write. It’s how i roll/ If i wait. I loose it.

where do i start?

uhm..

Disclaimer: I dont usually write about this. Not because i dont want to but because it is just not the purpose of this blog. But what im feeling right now is well worth blogging about.

If you’ve spent some time with me. You probably know that i dont hide what i feel. Sometimes i wish i could hide my feelings and just keep my mouth shut. But i just cant. Sometimes im proud of it. Sometimes im ashamed of it. It depends.

the thing is… Oh man, i cant believe im really going to write this on a public blog.

He is funny. He is not very good at telling jokes but for some reason they make me laugh. he gets all excited if i laugh when anyone else is. He is cute. He is mature with a little sparkle of immatureness. He is taller than me. He is a gentleman. He thinks about marriage a lot. More than anyone around him knows. He has a neat bed and a very organized tiny room. He knows how to match his dress pants with the right shirt. He can clean the floor like any one i know. He is protective. He opens the door for girls. He is a faithful and caring friend. He is shy.

He is head-over-hills in love with Jesus. He keeps a journal. He is one of the best christians i’ve met. He is humble and genuine. He has guy friends. He has a servant’s heart. He actually reads his bible and lives it. He looks right into my eyes.

But he walks out the room whenever our conversations get interesting.

crap.

too good to be true.

Marriage-

Posted in Insights by misspicture on January 12, 2010
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Now, i am not an expert on this subject. I am as clueless as someone who is not married and has -almost- never dated anyone.

But i was talking to my favorite girl in the whole wide world the other day (*M) and she asked me if there was an example of a godly marriage in the Bible. we both agreed that there had to be one but we didnt know where to find it.

As many of you know i started NEWthru30 yestarday. (reading the New testament in 30 days)

and i think i found the couple *M and i were looking for.

Mary and Joseph

Here’s what Matthew has to say

The Birth of Jesus Christ

18This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about: His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they came together, she was found to be with child through the Holy Spirit. 19Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly.

20But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, “Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.21She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus,[c] because he will save his people from their sins.”

22All this took place to fulfill what the Lord had said through the prophet: 23“The virgin will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel”[d]—which means, “God with us.”

24When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife.25But he had no union with her until she gave birth to a son. And he gave him the name Jesus. Matthew 1:18-24

Here are some of my thoughts…

1- Protection <v. 19>

Joseph longed to protect his bride. no-matter-what. He was willing to divorce her quietly -even if she had cheated on him- because he didnt want to dishonor her.

2- God’s voice <v.20/ v.24>

Joseph heard the voice of God. Now, that is the man we want to spend the rest of our lives with… He heard the voice of God and more importantly. He obeyed.

3- Holiness <v.25>

Joseph and Mary kept themselves pure until the time was right.

I love Mary’s attitude though
She does nothing. She only waits and prays (im sure…)

Now, as a woman i know what was going through her mind. I know exactly the thoughts she was having to deal with. Oh! i know! But she decides to be still and trust God to bring her man back to her. She doesnt call him, go talk to his parents, facebook him, or manipulates him. She lets God do His job.

ah! She’s my hero! lol

This passage tells us how to deal with conflict while in a relationship

SEEK GOD. LISTEN. OBEY James 4:17

Im sure it’s not easy, and im sure some of us were expecting more out of the Holy Book when it comes to relationships. But the truth is… This is enough. This is it. And it applies to every little single aspect in out lives…

Seek God. Listen. And then, Obey!


Im the worst christian ever. BONUS

Posted in BONUS by misspicture on January 9, 2010
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dad: Can i borrow your cellphone?

me: sure!

after a few minutes i went to where he was and told him (not-so-politely): “You are going to consume all my minutes!!!!”

went back to my room and felt horrible

I am the worst christian ever.

I just finished reading CRAZY LOVE by Francis Chan. Awesome book. But what happened to all the words i had just read? why did i have to be so selfish and be a jerk to my dad? why did i not love him? why didnt i show Jesus to him?

I am the worst christian ever. I am ashamed

I need to go apologize-

now.

?!@#$%~!!!

Posted in Randomness by misspicture on January 6, 2010
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Guess who’s going to North Africa in september?

yeah…

My pastor said yes.

and i know i should write a better post considering how big of a deal this is for me. but… words are just not coming out.

Thoughts- BONUS

Posted in BONUS by misspicture on December 29, 2009
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Here are some thoughts after a bad day…

1- I miss my Ms in a way i never thought i would.
2- Im on my own in this.
3- No-one here understands
4- They will not understand
5- And that’s ok
6- I dont like # 2, 3 and 4. But its all part of the process
7- I asked for forgiveness. Being this miserable doesnt bring glorty to God
8- I miss my M* girls
9- I would take that plane tomorrow if i could
10- Its just me and God.
11- This next year is going to be challenging
12- I am growing. I am growing. I become a new creature with every passing day. He is my perfecter. I am becoming more like Him.
13- Boy, i am selfish!
14- Jesus is fixing that. Dont worry.
15- Sadness is over.
16-Im on my own.
17- No one understands
18- repeat # 8
19- My spirit is listening
20- My relationship with Him has never been stronger
21- #20 is true just because of # 2,10 and 16
22- waiting sucks
23- I LOVE my life
24- I HATE waiting
25- I am doing this right. I am doing life right. This is right.
26- I may or may not go to N.A next year
27- But. I am doing this right.
28- I love blogging
29- I just finished the book of Acts and i start Romans tomorrow. (8 days until i finish up the Bible)
30- I think Acts is my -new- favorite book of the Bible.
31- Be still and Know that I am God- Psalms 46:10
32- I am doing this right. I have bad days. But im doing this right.
33- Thank you Jesus.

Saturday -BONUS- Post

Posted in BONUS by misspicture on December 19, 2009
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First of all. THANK YOU for your prayers! I really appreciate all your text messages, emails, calls and tweets.

My meeting went super well. My pastor was super kind in giving me all the time i needed to share my story and my thoughts about the trip. He also told me that he believed in my call and that, as a church, they were planning on sending me. He just didnt know when and how.

Yeah…

We are meeting again in january.
He promised to have an answer to the when and how then.

I will let God show him what He showed me. Gen 28;15

I am still processing this.

What do you think i should do?

Changing the subject….

Have i told you about my friends lately?

I have many, many good friends that i love and cherish.

But there are 3…. M*, A* and S* and they have the best friend tag in my soul.

M* is a girl and i always blog about her. She will have her chance to shine in this blog. But i wont talk about her today. Though i keep her close to my heart.

Today. It will be about the two boys that have won my heart. A* and S*. They are my brothers, my friends, my travel buddies. They let me tell them what to wear, and im always invited to their family parties. When they have stupid boy-fights they call me and ask for advice. They tickle me. They drive me home. sometimes they pay for my meals. sometimes they open the door for me. They buy me christmas presents. They care about me. They love me.

And i love them. deeply

I will have TWO “best men” @ my weeding- I dont care what my groom says-  And it will be them.

I have been so blessed to be able to share my life with these two.

Watch out, girls! If you ever date one of them. You will have to go through their little sister first! AKA: me!

Today is a good day. A good day to be thankful.
Thankful for godly men in my life.

Enjoy the rest of the weekend.!

FLF- 8 seconds or less

Posted in FLF by misspicture on December 18, 2009
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Welcome to my Facebook-Less Friday post.

Today is my BIG meeting with my pastor.

I am going to tell him all about my trip to Africa and that God told me loud and clear to go back in sept for a year. [i dont know what he might think about that] so.. would you PLEASE! pray?

You dont have to pray for hours…. you can just take 8 seconds of your precious and valuable time to say something like “God, show up in that meeting” or “Jesus, help her not to worry” or “Lord, soften her pastor’s heart” out-loud !

I NEED your prayers.

Here’s why…

1- I am going to show him my heart in that meeting. I am going to share about my fears and my dreams
2- He might want me to stay here for a few more years. But i feel like i would be disobeying  God if i were to stay.
3- I know i should obey God’s voice rather than my pastors opinions…. But its just not easy. I know that my pastor is a man of God and he wants the best for me. So his opinion is very very important for me.
4- I just want you to be a part of what God is doing in my life.

So please… 8 seconds or less. Please pray!

And i might bless you with a saturday post. Just to let you know that your prayers were answered.

So lets make of this Facebook-Less Friday. A Prayer-Full Friday!

To be continued….

Selfish: To Be or Not To Be……??

Posted in Insights by misspicture on December 12, 2009
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This is the big question i am struggling with right now.

You know the answer
I know the answer

But… It is HARD mostly because my flesh is lauder than my spirit.

There are many situations in my life right now. Where i am constantly being tempted to be selfish and to focus on my wants and my needs. It is so easy to get lost in what makes me feel uncomfortable an what makes me mad. But what about others? what about those i say i love?

If i focus on myself. Is it real love? or is it selfish love?
WAIT. Can the words love and selfish be in the same sentence?

I dont think so.

Love is all about giving.

Loving someone means you put them first. It means biting your thong  when you dont have anything good to say. It means listening even when you want them to shut up so you can speak. It means waiting. It means patience. And it means forever

Yes! Forever.

What am i learning?

Easy! Ok, ok…. its not that easy.
But God is teaching me how to die to myself and put others first. I am painfully learning to protect the ones i love from my selfishness. Once again… It is not about me.

Living a life like Jesus’ is not an easy job. But it is worth it. And i love the fact that everything happens for a reason. And i am constantly learning how to be the woman He created me to be.

I love you Jesus. Thank you for your selfless love.

What about you?

Have you been a selfish little brat this week?

Results

Posted in Insights by misspicture on November 29, 2009
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I wrote the post below about two months ago when i was feeling a little bit down because i thought my church didnt really care about my God given call to be a missionary. I was frustrated and hurt. but God kept telling me that it was not about me and how i felt. He kept teaching me that i need to have a giving and thankful heart.

God has been showing me that my leaders- specially my pastor- are not perfect. But they have something that not every church leader has. And that is a heart that’s after God’s.

I went to my mission trip with my church’s support. I even had a meeting with my pastor right before going. And he showed my his heart for missions and his plans for the future.

I came back and things have changed. I cant really tell you what it is… But my church is different. Its a place that i, now, love more.

God has answered my prayer. But it took learning a lesson that i didnt like. It took time. It took a new perspective.

I am so thankful for my church and my leaders. Men and women who seek the Lord wholeheartedly and radiate it.

What about you?
What have been some of the results of the lessons God has told you?

A Lesson i didn’t like.

Posted in Insights by misspicture on October 12, 2009
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God taught me something i didnt like this past weekend. I have been struggling with church issues and thoughts about how bad and mistaken my church is. And i have been talking to God about it for about a year now <if not more>.

This is what i learned.

It’s not about me.

Nothing new. But i learned it in a different way. God used an illustration to help me understand what my view of the church should be like. He used an illustration about marriage. He said…” when you get married, there will be things you wont like about your spouse. There will be times when you will just want to get a divorce. There will be times when you wont feel anything.” But it is not about you in marriage… And it certainly isn’t about you when it comes to church.

“It is not about what you feel, or what you learn, or what you can get from them. It is about what you do with your perception of the things going on. It is about what you say. It is about your thoughts. Its about what you give. It is about how you give it. It is about ME.”

Now. What do i do?

I need to fall back in love with my church. Because giving up is not an option. Trying harder is.

so, yeah..

And you?
Have you learned a lesson you didnt like, lately?

ps: I wrote this about two months ago. check my blog tomorrow for the results of learning that lesson!