The Name…

I didnt have to go through this last year.
I was excited and ready to go.
Today, 10 months later, I am sad and wanting to stay.

Im not sure why im dealing with it differently
But it caught me off guard.
and to be honest, I have been kind of mad with God
and have not been talking to him lately.
So i dont have a reflexion for you…..

I dont have a Bible verse to share.

But i know one thing that has kept me standing.
a name….

JESUS.

saying it several times helps me breathe better.

still at 95%
My coach told me to stop raising support.
He said 95% is enough.

so…
I guess thats good.

The Sun Stood Still.

Joshua prayed for the sun to stand still.

and it did.

Steven Furtick wrote a book about it.

And he has been preaching for 24 hr straight. IT has been great to be encouraged and at the same time challenged to pray what he calls SSS-prayers (Sun Stand still).

Earlier this month i embraced this new way of praying.

I think this new way of praying has changed my perspective and the way i look at my circumstances

Praying a Sun Stand Still prayer is asking God to do something Impossible. Something that does not make sense to those around us.

My SSS-Prayer was that God would raise $35000 in 3 months.

I prayed. and prayed, and prayed, and prayed….

But it wasn’t until i allowed God to actually perform the miracle. Read about it Here That He answered those prayers.

Today. I have the honor to inform you.

That the sun stood still.

He answered my prayers.

I am at 100%

What is your SSS prayer?

Surrender

I have been thinking about this word a lot lately.

What it means. What it represents…..

God has been clear to me. He wants me to surrender my desires, my thoughts, my dreams, my life, my time. Myself

And that sounds great in theory. It sounds so spiritual and so christian. In the back of our minds we all know we need to surrender to Him. But when its time to put it into practice…… Then it gets complicated.

It is hard to let go of something God himself gave me. It is hard to let go of a promise He Himself made.

Genesis 22

go read it.

ok, HERE

Abraham was asked to give not just his precious son whom he loved. I dont think that was as hard as giving the promise God had made.

Because sacrificing his son kind of made sense. But killing the son of the promise? That did not make sense at all.

For me it is kind of easy to leave home. Sacrifice my comfort. call random people and ask them to support me. I am sort of ok with that.

But surrendering the promise?

what the heck?

You’ll see. I strongly believe that God made a promise to myself. A promise that He will take me to the desert. And last week i felt like He was asking me to surrender that. To let go of the promise. To not hold on to it anymore. To rest. To be ok with the fact that that promise may not come true. To praise Him in spite of that.

boy was that hard.

How could i be ok with not going to the desert? This is not something i made up. This is something He said. Something He Himself placed on my heart.

I had no other option but to say. “Lord, you are God. Whatever you decide to do is fine with me”

now, I know God works in different ways. But just the way He did with Abraham He did with me last weekend.

Abraham surrendered. God showed up.

I surrendered. God showed up big time.

97%

Plane ticket. sept 28th

I learned that i was probably holding on to the promise so much that i had ceased  holding on to Him.

so whatever it is that you are going through. Just stop. And wave your white flag to God in surrender to His will.

Taco night and old friends. Am I blogging too much?

I have written three posts today.

yes.

THREE!

I just got back home from a taco night with my colleagues. wow! I feel like a grown up just by saying that word… and by colleagues i mean the other engineers (or some of them) who went to college with me.

They wanted to say goodbye

They love me and always managed to not go partying on the weekends so i would not feel uncomfortable. They put up with my long talks about the desert and islam for five years. They would plan our study sessions around missionaries’ schedules ( I translated for missionaries A LOT during college. A LOT.) They heard the gospel 95805025820p5892058 times. I would practice the evange-cube with them and share the 4 laws. They have always been patient and loving.

I accept them just as they are. They do the same for me.

I love them. They are very special to me. 7 years ago when we started college I was the only christian (we are a group of 6). Today two of them call Jesus their savior.

What a blessing it has been to see them grow as believers. And what a blessing it has been for me to be there (specially for the girls) when they break up with boyfriends.

Today they wanted to make me feel special.

mission accomplished.

I am so thankful for the time God is allowing me to have with each and everyone of the special people in my life.

8 more days.

90%

yes.

You heard it here first.

Psalms, thank-you notes, and faith attacks

I memorized psalm 121 last night.

Just because it’s awesome.

I am not big at memorizing scripture. I should do that more often. Here it is.

I look up to the mountains
Does my help come from There?

My help comes from The Lord
The creator of the heavens and the earth

He will not let you stumble and fall,
He who watches over you does not sleep

indeed, the one who watches over israel
never tires and never sleeps

He himself watches over you
The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade

The sun will not hurt you by day
nor the moon at night

The Lord will keep you from all evil
and preserves your life

The  Lord will watch over your steps as you come
and go. Both now and forever.

That was my attempt to write pslm 121 down without looking at my Bible. Did i miss anything? I hope not.

What a wonderful, wonderful, woooonderful psalm. What a promise! oh what a marvelous God we serve!

I kind of packed half of my stuff today.

Dont go off on me! I know i haven’t booked my flight yet. I know that i am only at 85%. I know all those things. Trust me.

But i had a faith attack this morning.

in other news,

I wrote dozens of thank you notes for my Venezuelan supporters this morning.

If you are supporting my ministry from the US. You will get something in the mail. eventually. sometime before may. probably around Christmas. 🙂

Im still under the effects of this random faith attack. If this continues, i might be at 90% by the end of the day.

say a little prayer.

What He Said…

Im writing this post mainly so i dont forget.

Friday night was a tough night. I was desperate for a word from Him. He was gracious to remind me of His promise. But He also gave me instructions for the 10 days to come…. which im sure wont be any easier.

Why was it a tough night you might ask?

Well, I do have a departure date to go to the desert but i have not bought the tickets yet. Most of my wonderful team is already there and i am still at 85% and have been experiencing more canceled appointments than ever. I have been stuck at 85% for way too long. This worries me.

anyways. Those are my very legitimate reasons.

Psalm 50

starting in verse 7 the Lord starts speaking to Israel. He tells them that He has no complaint about their sacrifices but He wants them no more. He said “What I want from you instead is your true thanks to God”

“Trust me in your times of trouble, and I will rescue you, and you will give me glory”

For me this was clear. He doesn’t want my hard work anymore. He has nothing against it. It has been good at His sight. But He wants me to stop working, working, working, and start trusting, trusting, trusting. I still need to meet with a few more people and make phone calls and that’s ok. But i think He wants me to rest a little.

Trust in me.
I will show up
And when I do, I will get all the glory

This is awesome news. I needed Him to tell me just that.

So Im trying… I wrote this verse all over my room so every time those annoying thoughts come my way i can look at it and say “Thank you Jesus”

Happy Sunday.

News-

Hola!

Today is a good day. I have two appointments and im at 85%

still no plane ticket.
still no departure date.

I want to tell you a little bit about my team.

4 girls
3 boys

I love them already and can NOT wait to spend next year with them.

They are going to be my friends, my family, my co-workers, my neighbors, my roommates, my teammates.

I will see them, for breakfast, at work, for lunch, at church, for dinner, i will travel with them, eat with them, play board games with them, fight with them, pray with them, teach with them……

ahh!

More about them soon.

Appointment-less days.

Hello there, readers!

Today is monday and I of course do not have appointments! There’s something about mondays and support raising… I think i have only had ONE appointment on a monday so far. And it was a few weeks ago.

Its ok though.

I find appointment-less days to be productive.
Why, you may ask.

Because i can run errands on those days.

Remember my 18 item to-do list?
well, i only have about 5 things left to do.

SCORE!

The countdown is 15 days until my team gets there. Unfortunately, due to lack of support (currently 77%) i wont be able to get there on the 7th. This makes me very, very, VEEEEEERRRRRRYYYYYYYYY sad

I have no idea whats my departure date.
Probably september 15th or so…

Support will come in very soon. That’s for sure.

I just have been waiting for this moment for about FIVE years…. I am ready to leave. You have no idea.

My team is SO awesome! And they have been such a blessing and a encouragement during this time of preparation. I am looking forward to join them in a few weeks.

That’s all i have to say for now.
Thanks for coming.

🙂

Update

I have 18 days left here.

That, of course, if i actually go to Africa in september.

Im at 74%

and no plane ticket.

Doubt is knocking at my door again.

mmk, bye.

I am still alive

No-one reads this blog anymore. haha!

Thank you to the faithful two readers who have been stopping by for weeks. Who are you? I want to know.

I have been very busy. And riding an emotional roller coaster. Up and Down, up and down.

But i have written enough sad posts in this blog. You dont need to read any more of those.

I want to share with you something that helped me rest like a baby last night.

Now I will take the load from your shoulders;
I will free your hands from their heavy tasks.
⁷ You cried to me in trouble, and I saved you;
I answered out of the thundercloud
and tested your faith when there was no water at Meribah Psalm 81:6-7

He’s got this.

Today joy is being re-defined in my life.

I am at 47%

But that is not why im joyful.

I am joyful because He made a promise and even though the process is painful i rest in knowing that He is faithful

Joy does not depend on the circumstances
It depends on the source.
Joy sets you free.

Hard lesson to learn. Hard to do. But im trying.

peace.

Monday Encouragement.

Im sorry.

I have been such a bad blogger! But i have been very busy.

Today i want to remind you (and me) that our timing is not His timing

For you, a thousand years are as a passing day,
as brief as a few night hours. Psalm 90:4

I was encouraged by this verse last week. I needed to be reminded that God’s timing is different than mine. I spent a few minutes meditating on this and came to the conclusion that worrying for this support thing is really stupid.

I need to look at this from the right perspective.

I have about 17 days left to raise $1600/month

God made the world and everything we see in 7 days. And took a nap after that.

Who says He cant do this in ONE day? Or in 17 days if He wants so.

Something inside of me tells me you need to look at your“problem” from the right perspective today. God is bigger, and more powerful,  than whatever you may be going through.

He is Willing to do what you need Him to do.

And maybe, just maybe, what you really need is what He wants to teach you through that hard situation.

So calm down. breath. Get quiet.

And Listen!

He wants to speak.

This song has been a refreshment to my heart.

Before the Morning- Josh Wilson

Rambling

I wish i had something spectacular to say but i dont. I have been kind of numb and unable to sleep well. I pray for God to set me free of this “financial” burden. But it wont happen. I keep waking up in the middle of the night and unable to rest at all. Which leads to sucky appointments where im not able to communicate my passion for Africa they way im supposed to.

I know this blog was created -and has managed to- encourage those who stop by and read it. I always try to write about the amazing things God shows me as I walk with Him. Im sorry if this post is a little discouraging

To be honest, i have not been having those “God-moments” lately. And I miss them, and I need them. desperately!

I have been seeking His face. Like never before. And I have found hope and strength in His word. I always find encouragement to keep fighting this fight in His word.

But I feel like He is not with me.

now, i know what you are going to say: “of course He is with you” and i agree. I know in my mind that He is with me. Of course He is. But it just doesnt feel like it.

Praying feels like talking to the wind these days.

I know He is with me. I know He is listening. But boy…. I just dont feel His presence.

which makes the process a lot harder.

I can not wait for God to bring in this money. I am TIRED of thinking about money and ministry partners and appointments and phone calls. TIRED!

I need some rest.

I need to sleep.

I still  need $24.000

I am praying for a very successful week. It will be a successful week.

yes.

It will be a successful week.

Financial Anxiety

Its ON.

Its official.

I am worried.

I am scared.

I have three weeks left to do this.

Raising support is the hardest thing i have ever done in my life.

I need 30 people who are willing to give $50 a month.

Do you have friends?

Can you please tell them about me?

Here’s what we are doing. I need each of you to tell TWO people about me and challenge them to give $50/month. I have an average of 25 people who read this blog everyday. I am also working on a video explaining everything im doing in Africa next year so you can show it to your friends/small group/church/etc..

I am asking for you to spread the word. Would you do that?

Muslim women in Africa die every day without knowing who Jesus is. They are hopeless and in need of our savior.

please.

HELP!

That’s all for now, readers.

Feed a Missionary….

The giant im facing

Fellowship/

You thought i was going to say money. Ha!

Money is a big challenge right now. But i know God is going to provide for me.

But i need fellowship.

Fellowship, prayer, Bible reading, debates. With other christians.

Doing it alone is great. But I need other members of the body of Christ.

Now, i know next year is going to be filled with this. But i kind of need it now.

I need people around me to share what God has been teaching them. I want them to be excited about it.

There are people in my life who are on fire for God. Not that many though.

I feel lonely.

I need the body of Christ.

There.

My meeting with Jesus

I had two appointments yesterday.

They went GREAT!

Because i was a little nervous to talk to the people i was going to meet with I decided to leave my apartment a little earlier and go to a cafe nearby and just have a meeting with Jesus first.

So i sat down with Jesus with a cup of coffee [a really ugly one, btw. I miss Starbucks] and His word. I meditated on Psalm 63. And it is kind of funny how that psalm doesnt say anything about fear or insecurities. It is really not the kind of piece of scripture you would go to when you are scared or insecure. But i started reading it anyways… Mostly because i have it almost-all highlighted on my Bible and my eyes just went straight to that page.

This passage reveals David’s heart for God. This man was in love. Enamorado. Tombe amoureux

Look what he says in verse 6

On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.

I do this when i have a crush on someone. I lay on my bed and think about them for….hours.

In verse 1 he said this

O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.

David sough God. Daily. Several times a day probably. And He was in love. I know I already said that! But reading this meant a LOT to me yesterday. Specially in the middle of all my doubts and fears.

Because, you know what?

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:18

And that was exactly what i needed yesterday.

[Yes, i took this picture]

I often forget that the only thing i should focus on is Jesus. I need to fall head-over-heels in love with Jesus, and day dream about Him, lay on my bed and think about Him and about how much He loves me.

I want to fall in love with Jesus.

I need to fall in love with Jesus-

This process is not about the money, it is not about Africa, it is not about my ministry partners, it is not about working hard, it is not about my team, it is not about me.

It is all about Jesus.

Appointment after appointment

I have learned one thing about God -so far- during this process

He Always wins

He is in control and He’s got my back-

Ok, those were three things.

OH well!

I am enjoying this ride. Even though I just got back from my canceled appointment. [Dont you love those?]

God is teaching me that He already has what i need. He already won this battle. Im supposed to be diligent and fight but the Victory belongs to the Lord (Proverbs 21:31). I am falling more in love with Him and i am, for the first time, seeing Him as a provider. I never understood the Jehova-jireh thing up until now.

I am currently reading the book of Judges and i noticed one thing. This book tells the story of the judges God appointed in the nation of Israel and almost every judge has its chapter (s). But there are  some judges that only have one or two verses. And I wondered….

In the Book of Life. Would i be mentioned in a few verses, or would i have a whole chapter?

And I am not being prideful. You know I have pride issues.

In this life. Will i make God my passion and therefore impact the world with His crazy Love? Or will i just sit at church every sunday and remain “normal”?

Will I live a life that demands explanation or will i be…well…. just a “christian”?

Will I follow Jesus or Christians?

I am struggling with the term christian as you can see. I dont think i should call myself that anymore.

Christians do not change the world. Christians do not go on mission trips. Christians do not make religious people mad. Christ-Followers do.

Christians prayed a prayer and are saved. Christ-followers….well. Christ-Followers Follow Jesus wherever He leads. Christ followers bare fruit.

Followers are in love. Christians are…. religious.

Appointment after appointment I am finding people who want to switch from christian to follower.

What a blessing it is, to be part of this great move of God!

Support Raising Update

MPD= Ministry partner development consists in meeting with people and sharing your passion with them and then invite them to become your partner in ministry trough prayer and financial gifts.

I had two appointments today.

One was canceled.

I was tempted (still am) to get on a fight with God and tell Him how wrong and not-beneficial this is. I am tempted, as I write this, to become bitter and let Satan plant seeds of doubt in my mind.

This makes two appointments cancelled in less than a week. (yes, they canceled my appointment for thursday too)

This frustrates me.

But… who is more interested in reaching Africans?

Me…?

Or…

GOD Himself?

Yeah…

I thought so.

So, dear myself: Rest.

Today, i praise God for canceled appointments. Because they force me to remember who is really in control. They force me to trust like a little girl.

I am thankful for this process.

: )

Stay tuned for more updates.

IT is over…. for now.

We finished our training today.

It was so good. I loved my team and seeing their hearts for ministry was just what i needed.

I needed to see I was not the only one 20-ish year old who wanted to be different and serve college students for… eeerrrr… the rest of her life?

I have been meeting with people and its been exciting even when they decide not to support me financially. Just sharing my passion for north africa several times a day makes me happy.

God is giving me joy and peace to “endure” this time.

I really am loving it.

…. and my team.

🙂

Hello MPD!

MPD= Ministry Partners development

Hello there!

Im sorry i have been a terrible blogger lately.

I started raising support earlier this week and i am super excited to see God step up and provide $35.000 for me. I am looking for around 60 people who are willing to invest around $5o a month.

If you are interested please hit me on twitter with your email address, and i will email you with more info about how you can be part of what God is doing in Africa. Feel free to ask any questions and/or spread the word.

I am really excited to share my  heart for these women with everyone!

Please, please, PLEASE, feel free to let me know if you want to have a skype appointment. I would LOVE to show you pictures and tell you how God is moving in Africa.

I have three appointments this week and i am looking forward to start walking by faith and trust God to provide this ridiculous amount of money.

Please be praying for me.
The enemy is definitely at work.

Lemon Pies and cheesecakes….

They are part of my vocabulary now.

I bake these and save the profit to go to Africa in sept.

This isnt a burden…. (yet)

I love baking. I am enjoying this.

: )

But after a long day of baking and walking to our CRU meeting -where i sell my goodies every week-……

This is how my beautiful feet look like

swollen

I am beyond tired right now.

‘night-

Im Scared-

You might think that i love to write everything i feel on my blog.

You might think that it’s easy for me to be vulnerable.

You might think i enjoy it when people see me emotionally naked.

The truth is.

Sometimes writing and being vulnerable is neither easy or fun.

I am scared.

and alone.

I am not good with words. There is no way i can convince people to give to this cause. I cant speak in public.

*sight*

A video im not allowed to share on the internet just changed that. Man i wish you could see it.

It would make you want to join our team in Africa. I promise you.

and while writing this, seeing the beautiful faces of some precious friends. I realized…

Im not alone.

There’s M*, there’s G* and As*
There’s L* , D*, A* and J*

(sorry. didnt ask for permission to share their names)

young men and women who share the desire of my heart. Who hope to see vail-less faces some day soon. The bravest people i’ve ever met.

We share a passion.

And no matter how far we are from each other. We will always have Africa in common.

Im still scared.

But im not alone-

Support Raising.

I was talking to one of my -possible- roommates for next year the other night and was telling her how scared i was about support raising. I told her i didnt even want to try. I am so not confident about this.

I KNOW in my mind God will provide. I am sure He will!  But for some reason i am not friends with the idea of “asking people for money” I am not good at it. Im scared about how vulnerable i will get and how lonely i will feel.

confession: I feel lonely right now. And i have not even started. I guess this is the life of a missionary.

I just cant do this.

I have ZERO skills.

But guess what?

I had my first donation last night.

And no. I dont know this person.

I didnt even ask for it.

It just came my way.

Unbelievable !

I dont even want to imagine what’s next in this journey. There is fear and lots of anxiety but there is also excitement. I feel like God is being so gracious and so clear. I have never felt Him so close and so involved in my life before.

Please keep praying for support. (i have not officially started. I will let you know when i do) I will keep you posted/