The Heart of a Missionary-

Counting the cost.

Posted in Insights,life in the field by misspicture on April 5, 2011

I love my life. I am surrounded by wonderful people. My team is still doing great. against all odds. We still like each other. I love that we are really close to Europe and get to travel up there often. I love that the weather is nice and it does not rain very often. I love that taxis are cheap. I love that we have about five cart men with fresh and cheap fruits and veggies right at our door steps. I love that we have credit with the guys at the store across the street and i can buy groceries and water even when i dont have enough money. I love how easy it is to make friends here. I love the staff people. And i love their kids. I love that they have a spanish school here that hosts cultural events every week. I love that i have friends who speak spanish. I love that im independent. I love that i have met incredible people who truly follow and love Jesus. I love that the guy at the bank has a semi crush on me and therefor is really nice to me when i go. I love that i can go to a gym. I love that i can run. I love what God has taught me about modesty. I really do love my life here.

But there is a price to be paid for following Jesus.

The Gospel is free. But it is not cheap

In order to do what He has called me to do. I’ve had to give up my comfort, my language, my culture, my family and my friends.

He is worth it.

And He has been way too good to me.

But the more i think about going back home the more i realize that my relationships will not be the same.

You see, The girls i live with are more than dear friends to me. They have been my family. They were there when my mom told me that she was going to divorce my dad. They sat and cried with me. They prayed with and for me. They have seen me struggle with my cultural confusion. They were there when my mom told me she decided not to divorce my dad. They danced and rejoiced with me. They know that i dont like to be talked to early in the morning. These girls are sisters.

and they wont be with me this summer.

On the other hand i think about my friends back home. whom  i love. and miss. But they have not shared what this team has shared with me. They have no clue what life is like here. They have missed a year of my life.

And i have missed a year of theirs.

But they will be with me this summer.

Lately i have realized that, if i decide to do what i do for the rest of my life [which i kind of already decided], all of my relationships will be seasonal.

scratch that.

My relationships are already seasonal.

People will come and go.

I cant be here and just be investing in my relationships back home. And i cant be home investing in the relationships i made here.

One thing im learning. [and i dont really like it…]

My friends at home dont have to understand my year.
My friends dont have to understand my jokes.
My friends at home have moved on with their lives.
and they might not have time to see me when i call them….

and that is ok.

But its part of counting the cost. And that is ok. Because Jesus is worth it.

It doesnt make it any easier though.

But it’s ok.


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